


Not Like This

by Amarissia



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:23:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amarissia/pseuds/Amarissia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the Nibelheim mission, Sephiroth must choose between what he wants and what Jenova demands. The story of a love that could never be, and a hatred that always was. SephCloud, yaoi, dark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**NOT LIKE THIS  
Chapter 1**

 

The dreams had been a part of life as long as Sephiroth could remember. Hojo's regular examinations involved blood tests, demonstrations of strength and mental agility, nothing that delved into the boy's thoughts or feelings. Hojo only ever wanted to know facts, and there had never been anyone Sephiroth felt he could confide in. By the time the child was a young man, cold and reticent and hard of heart, he no longer wondered about the dreams, terrible and wonderful as they were. No one could have imagined, years later, that the Nightmare had ever had nightmares.

In every dream, Sephiroth saw millennia of the planet's life, thousands of years of civilizations rising and falling. The scenes of battle were exhilirating to a boy who had no ambition but to fight, who had been bred for nothing else, and any fear of the death and dying dissipated completely over time. By age thirteen, Sephiroth was waking from dreams of bloody soil to his nondescript bedroom with no change at all in his expression.

It was around this time that the voice began to accompany the dreams, a female murmur that was full of awesome, restrained power. Sephiroth learned to accept this, too, though he often wondered who it was, and why it would not speak loud enough for him to hear. It was certainly no one Sephiroth had ever met - his memory for voices was as sharp as his memory for everything else, and anyway his interaction with women had always been nearly nonexistent. He once asked Ganzei, an associate of Hojo's, if Gaia ever spoke to people.

Ganzei's eyes were wide (Sephiroth smirked; they were all so afraid of him!) and he said, "I don't know. I hope not."

"Why?"

Ganzei had relaxed a little and looked more like himself, a kind-eyed, grandfatherly sort of man. He had come out of retirement to work with Hojo, though Sephiroth never knew why.

"Because it's not safe for a man to hear the voice of anything so powerful. It'd drive him mad. Or at the very least..."

"What?"

"It would set him apart from everyone else. And people don't like to be alone."

That puzzled Sephiroth; he was always most content by himself. "Why?"

Ganzei didn't answer, he only looked afraid again, or possibly worried. It was years before Sephiroth was able to decipher facial expressions. Looking back, much later, he thought Ganzei had seemed more sad than anything else.

__

scscscsc

Sephiroth frowned at the stack of paperwork on his desk. True, he read very quickly and would be able to finish it in no time, but he often wondered: what was the point of having to do it at all? His reputation as a fighter was priceless to ShinRa, so why wouldn't they let him stay out in the field? Doing so would get in the way of Hojo's constant check-ups, but then, that was part of the appeal. Anyway, none of the other SOLDIERs were forced to endure as much lab time as himself.

 _Presumably because they spend so much time away from here,_ the general thought irritably.

The door chime sounded, and Sephiroth found himself thankful for the interruption, especially when he saw who entered. Lieutenant Zack Fair was a rising star in the SOLDIER program, already a 1st Class at only twenty and with a reputation for bravery bordering on recklessness - not least because he was Sephiroth's self-proclaimed best friend. Sephiroth told himself he allowed this because he wished to encourage the young SOLDIER, but in truth, he genuinely enjoyed Zack's presence.

"Zack, do you remember our talk about waiting for permission before entering my office?"

"Um...no?"

"That's what I thought."

"Lighten up, Seph. I won't take long. I just wanted to talk to you about the Nibelheim mission."

Sephiroth took that file off the top of the stack and opened it. A few things still needed to be sorted out, and there was about a week to do so.

"Go ahead."

"Well, you're making a request for two from the ShinRa Guard, right?"

"Yes."

Zack gave his most charming, hopeful smile. "Can I pick one?"

Sephiroth was puzzled for only a moment before remembering that Zack was a friend and something of a mentor to one of the younger ShinRa Guards, a Sky or Wind or something like that. Zack always referred to him as "Spiky", and often mentioned him in conversation, always smiling with affection.

_"...you think my hair is gravity-defying, Seph, you should see Spiky..."_

_"Oh, c'mon, Seph, they're not all useless. You should see Spiky - I've been showing him how to use the Buster Sword and he's doing great."_

_"...so later I told Spiky about what my girl and I did with the handcuffs and he was blushing like crazy, he's so cute when he does that..."_

"Oh, yes. Your friend, right?"

Zack nodded. "Cloud. He wants to be a SOLDIER someday and I think it'd be good for him to observe us in the field. Anyway, I get nervous when I have to leave him. So, what do you say? Can I bring my Spiky?"

"Do you think he can handle it?"

"Well, you and I will be the ones dealing with monsters. The Guards are there to help out and control civilians. Yeah, he'll be fine with that. I'll take full responsibility for him, okay?"

"Very well," Sephiroth said, smiling his only smile, which was small and always brief. "I'll send the order to his commanding officer...unless you'd like to make the request yourself?"

"Ooh, can I, can I?" It would probably damage the reputation of SOLDIER if any outsiders saw one of the feared and respected 1st Class bouncing around like a hyper child. "Thanks, Seph!"

Cheerfully, Zack turned to leave.

"Lieutenant."

Sephiroth spoke in a commanding voice (not that he really had any other kind) and Zack immediately halted and turned around. He was used to such abrupt changes from friend-to-friend to general-to-subordinate. After all, Sephiroth was his superior.

"Sir."

"Why do you become nervous when you are away from Cloud?"

As quickly as his cheer had melted into the disciplined attitude of a SOLDIER, the solemnity faded in favor of anger. It appeared to be anger, at least. Sephiroth found it hard to be sure, as this was a side of Zack he didn't recall ever seeing before.

"He gets bothered a lot, sir," Zack said quietly. "That's why I've been helping him train, to make him stronger so he can fight back better."

Sephiroth felt the impulse to smile again, but suppressed it. He secretly admired the easy way Zack had of caring about people weaker than himself, partly because he himself found it so difficult to do.

"Bothered? By the other Guards, I assume."

Zack nodded.

"Why?"

In all military institutions, Sephiroth knew, like SOLDIER and the Guard, ribbing and hazing was a common occurrence...but Zack knew this as well, and his anger implied that Cloud's situation was worse than the average.

Zack frowned and slouched toward the door, knowing Sephiroth would let him go. "You'll probably understand when you see him, Seph."

Zack saluted perfectly and was gone. Sephiroth wasn't quite sure what to make of the answer, which wasn't actually an answer so much as it was a promise of one. The general remembered from conversations with Zack that his friend Cloud (Spiky) was the youngest member of the ShinRa Guard, which in itself spoke highly of the boy's potential...yes, Zack had more than once expressed pride in Cloud's developing fighting skills. The boy must be a decent fighter at least; Zack was protective of his Buster Sword, and let very few people handle it at all.

So what could the problem be? Cloud might be younger and smaller than his peers, but size and age matter very little compared to speed and skill, as Sephiroth had learned many years ago.

_The few other 1st Class members of the new SOLDIER program made no attempt to hide their feelings about Sephiroth. It frustrated and angered them to be ranked equal to a thirteen-year-old boy, whatever the rumors whispered about the odd child's inhuman skill and appetite for bloodshed. A this point they were, after all, only rumors. Hojo had wanted to keep Sephiroth's abilities unseen until the president's next birthday, for which he was planning a demonstration._

_The boy, though annoyed that he couldn't spar with the other SOLDIERs, did not react to their taunts and insults, which only infuriated them more. The tallest, a muscular twenty-four-year-old named Riley, approached the silent boy as they waited in the lab for mako injections, and sneered at Sephiroth's cherubic face and long silver hair._

_"You're no SOLDIER," Riley hissed. "You hear me, pretty boy? I bet you can't even lift that sword. It's fuckin' taller than you are."_

_Sephiroth stared passively at the wall behind his accuser. He wasn't angry, exactly, but impatient to show them that he could fight, better than any of them. It bothered him that Hojo had forbidden him to raise blade or fists to anyone but Anzaru, the brilliant swordsman who had taught him (and declared that Sephiroth's name would far outlast his own)._

_"Hey, you better be listening to me, queer! You think you're better than us, don't you?"_

_Hojo had told Sephiroth that he was better, superior to other people. But Sephiroth didn't say this, for two reasons. Firstly - he felt no threat from Riley and therefore no need to defend himself. Secondly - the boy was already fairly certain that Hojo was slightly unbalanced. A few feathers short of a chocobo, he had heard one of the Turks say._

_Riley was closer now, less than an arm's length away, and there was a strange look in his eyes, an emotion Sephiroth didn't know._

_"You do, don't you? I better show you your place." Riley unzipped his uniform pants and removed something Sephiroth recognized, though it was bigger than his own. "Get down on your knees."_

_"Don't, man, c'mon," one of the other SOLDIERs said uneasily. "Dr. Hojo will freak if you mess with his little pet."_

_The boy looked down with what appeared to be interest. He sometimes thought about this part of the body, and liked knowing that other people had it. He sometimes touched it and pretended he was touching someone else's, though he never had anyone particular in mind._

_"You like that, huh? Get down on your knees." Riley's voice was softer now. "It won't hurt. You'll love it."_

_With no change in expression, Sephiroth knelt down in front of Riley, while the others looked on, nervous but excited. Riley placed his hands on either side of the boy's head, threading his fingers into the shimmering hair._

_"Open your mouth."_

_He did, and Riley's erection eagerly filled it, stopping just short of the back of Sephiroth's throat. The taste was not unpleasant, nor was the idea of what they were doing. In fact, what Sephiroth found most annoying were the hands that were stroking his hair now, and the approving murmurs from the small crowd of observers._

_"Good. Now suck on it," Riley said breathlessly. "Use your lips and tongue. Oh, yeah, just like that..."_

_Sephiroth laved the warm organ with his tongue slowly, observing which patterns of movement prompted which sounds from the elder SOLDIER. The harder he sucked, the more insistently Riley's hands would fist his hair. Experimentally, the boy relaxed his throat muscles and leaned forward, taking in the entire length._

_"Holy fucking Gaia!" Riley shouted, thrusting his hips into the teenager's face. "Fuck yeah, good boy, good...see, queer, you were made for this..."_

_Sephiroth wasn't at all perturbed by these words. He had decided he quite liked this - the taste, the noise, the power he wielded in this pleasurable way. Something was building up in Riley, something was about to overflow. Sephiroth smiled with his mouth full, and bit down hard._

_The scream that followed was hysterical and high-pitched, almost feral. Riley staggered back, doubled over and clutching at himself, with tears streaming down his face. He recovered himself after only a few minutes - no doubt aided by the regenerative properties of mako - refastened his pants painfully, and stared at the boy with murder in his eyes._

_"You little bitch. I'm gonna fucking kill you."_

_Smiling still, Sephiroth drew the sword he had named Masamune. Riley came at him like an enraged, charging bull, but the boy countered him easily, returning with a swing Riley dodged just in time. To Sephiroth, every movement the other made might as well have been in slow motion. It was hardly a challenge at all to block and side-step each attack. He moved as fluidly as water, and controlling the enormous sword was second nature, as easy as flexing the fingers of his hand. The other SOLDIERs watched, still as statues and hardly breathing. They had only to observe the odd child's skill to feel quite certain that their friend was going to die._

_Sephiroth began to lose interest when Riley could no longer put up a decent fight. He ended it quickly, with a single, merciful stab to the heart. No one made a move or a sound, even when Sephiroth opened the dead man's pants and neatly sliced off the organ that had earlier fascinated him. He pushed the bloody flesh into Riley's mouth and positioned his lips around it._

_"_ You _suck on it now," the boy said, in a voice completely devoid of emotion._

Sephiroth understood now what he didn't then - that he was attracted to males, first of all, and that he would never understand other people. For one thing, the other SOLDIERs all feared him afterward, but they also respected him, and when he was made general four years later, there wasn't a single complaint from them; in fact, they seemed happy about it. All this, after he had killed their friend.

Hojo's reaction, too, had been unexpected. Rather than punishing Sephiroth for disobeying, he had laughed with delight and insisted the boy repeat the story while he took notes.

"You see, Sephiroth, this is power," the scientist said in his shrill, unsettling voice. "Those boys fear you now, and that gives you power over them. This will only add to the rumors...the president will be all the more eager..."

Hojo had gone on muttering to himself as he frequently did, forgetting anyone else was there. Sephiroth looked away and spotted Ganzei across the lab, watching them, having heard everything. He was looking at Sephiroth with a fear and awe similar to the expressions of the SOLDIERs, but sadder. It seemed the older Sephiroth got, the more afraid Ganzei was.

Sephiroth wasn't sure he wanted that kind of power.


	2. Chapter 2

**NOT LIKE THIS  
Chapter 2**

 

"C'mon, Spiky, let's try it again."

The young private got to his feet readily enough, but held out his sword warily. "You like knocking me down, don't you?"

"Hey, I'm holding a fairly sharp blade here." It wasn't his preferred Buster Sword, that would have outmatched them even more unfairly. "Knocking you down is merciful."

"Tell it to my butt," Cloud said, pouting.

"I'd love to," laughed Private Nichols, half of one of the other two spars going on presently in the gym, as he and Private Kasen went by.

Cloud looked at the floor and gripped his weapon more tightly. Zack felt a flush of anger color his face. Ignoring Cloud's whisper to please ignore it, Lt. Fair followed Nichols and Kasen, who both nervously lowered their swords at his approach, turned and saluted.

"Sir."

"Sir."

"This is your second warning, Nichols. It will be your last."

"With all due respect, sir," the young man said, bravely or stupidly, "I was just teasing. We all tease each other. I didn't mean any harm."

Zack's eyes were a strikingly pale color, more aquamarine than blue, so it was an intimidating sight to see them angry. They became like beacons of ice.

"I am aware that teasing is part of any cadet's life, Nichols. I am also aware that you are no longer a cadet. Grow up. If I hear of any further harassment on your part, directed at anyone, you lose weapons privileges. Have I made myself clear?"

Finally abashed, Nichols nodded his head and left it hanging. "Yes, sir. I'm sorry."

"Carry on."

Zack jogged back to Cloud, who was blushing furiously and absorbed in staring at his boots. Zack waved him over to a secluded corner of the room, where they could speak without being overheard.

"Spiky, we've talked about this. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's about them more than it's about you."

"Then why does it bother me so much?"

"You're just not thick-skinned," Zack said gently. "That's not always a bad thing. You'll see, eventually you'll just be able to ignore them."

Cloud shrugged, clearly not convinced. "Should I have said something back to him myself?"

"No, definitely not. All the ones that are bigger than you, you leave to me, all right?"

"Zack, that's all of them!"

"And that's why we're making you into a great fighter, so they'll all be too scared to even look at you. C'mon, let's go again."

Cloud acquitted himself better this time, parrying one of Zack's thrusts and skillfully dodging the next. Still, it wasn't long before the smooth floor rose up to meet him again, and he sat, cursing himself softly.

"That was good, Spiky," Zack said, pleased. "See? You're getting it."

"It's that feint to the left you keep doing. I never know if you're gonna follow through, and - "

" - and you waste valuable time trying to reason it out." Zack nodded. "Rookie mistake. In battle, every second is critical. Don't think, feel."

"Easy for you to say. You have mako-enhanced reflexes."

"And when you're in SOLDIER, you will too." Privately Zack hated the idea of Hojo's mysterious goop being pumped into his sensitive young friend, but it was Cloud's dream, after all. "Until then, there's nothing wrong with your own reflexes. You wouldn't be so skittish if there were."

"I'm not!"

"Or so ticklish." Zack grinned and wiggled his fingers.

"Don't!" Cloud laughed, holding his sword in between them. "Okay, okay, let me try again."

Zack made his first advance slowly, giving Cloud time to block the blade and shove him back. Cloud then immediately retreated a few feet to give himself room, as he had been taught. Zack feinted to the left once and Cloud correctly didn't react, leaving him free to guard his right side as the lieutenant swung. Cloud ducked the blade, moving almost quicker than eyes could see, and Zack couldn't hold in a shout of triumph and pride. He feinted again, intending to continue this time and expecting Cloud to move. Sword lowered, the elder plowed forward, apparently catching the boy by surprise, because they both ended up on the floor, one sprawled on top of the other.

Zack got to his knees quickly and checked Cloud for injuries. "Caught you with that last one, huh? Doesn't matter, you were great, that was brill-"

The blond had sat up and was staring, eyes wide and mouth open. He blinked when Zack waved a hand in front of his face but continued to stare, a faint blush coming over his cheeks.

"What's wrong, kiddo? You okay?"

Zack followed Cloud's eyeline to the opposite corner, and there was the answer, puzzling though it was. The 1st Classes had their own training facility, Sephiroth came in here only to inspect the Guards' training, and that was a rare occurrence. Yet there stood Sephiroth, his eyes fixed on the lieutenant and the private, and he was smiling his slight smile with apparent amusement.

Zack turned to Cloud to see the boy bury his face in his hands and groan. 

"He saw...General Sephiroth saw me fall down, like an idiot..."

"Aw, it's okay, Spiky. Seph has that effect on people. He is distracting, isn't he?" Zack smiled, certain that Cloud must be blushing even redder. "C'mon, I'll introduce you."

"No! I can't, no," was the panicked reply, muffled by Cloud's hands.

"He's really nice, I promise. I'll be right there."

The boy shook his head. "Please, Zack, let me stay here. I just want to stay here and be really, really small."

"All right, all right. I'll be back in a minute."

Zack mussed the blond spikes affectionately, stood up and headed to the corner where the general had remained standing. Sephiroth nodded at Zack's approach and turned to face him, though his eyes frequently flickered back to Cloud. Sephiroth was trying to keep what he was feeling from showing in his expression, which wasn't too difficult as he wasn't quite sure what he was feeling. It was an odd mix of many emotions, ones he didn't think were supposed to go together.

"Sephiroth." As close as they were, Zack only called him 'Seph' in private. "What are you doing here?"

"Observing. Private Jansen - " The general gestured to a tall young man engaged in a spar. " - was recommended by Commander Linz for the Nibelheim mission. He seems quite competent in human-to-human combat. Would you object to his presence for the mission?"

Zack stared at him. "You're...asking me?"

"Is he one of the ones who bother Private Strife?" Sephiroth asked, obviously intending this to be an explanation.

"Oh! No, he and Spiky get along fine."

"It is settled then."

"Thank you for taking that into account. Really."

Sephiroth was watching Cloud again, and the faint smile had returned. Zack looked, and grinned - the blond was attempting a sword-spin, Zack's signature post-battle move. The Buster Sword was much too heavy for the boy to twirl, though he did pretty well with a lighter blade. Zack and Sephiroth had moved into the heavy shadow that a tall dais cast over the corner; they could see Cloud easily, but he might not have been able to see them.

"He shows promise," Sephiroth said at length.

Zack grinned proudly. "He's an amazing kid. Never backs down. He's really smart, too, and stronger than he looks."

 _Than he looks._ Absurdly, the three words echoed in Sephiroth's head, irritating him. What of the teenager's looks? Apropos of his nickname, Private Strife had spiky blond hair. Two of the longer spikes, rather than pointing outward, framed his face, which was a fine, porcelain sort of white. He now understood why Zack was so protective of this one...such doll-like prettiness must be dangerous to possess in an environment like ShinRa.

Sephiroth thought of Riley, of the many who had touched him or looked on him with lust. He had taken what he wanted and shrugged off or revenged what he didn't. This Cloud seemed too fragile, somehow, for such strain. But he had Zack, Zack who watched him like a hawk and would act as a barrier between Cloud and any unwelcome advances. Sephiroth found himself both grateful to and angry at Zack for the position he held...but no, it wasn't anger. It was a similar feeling that he couldn't place, sharper and more focused than anger, poisonous and green as the mako solution in Hojo's laboratory.

Zack watched Sephiroth's face, perplexed but patient. He understood that his unique friend had difficulty interacting socially, and had a tendency to fall silent for long pauses, unaware that doing so made other people uncomfortable. Zack knew very little of Sephiroth's background and upbringing, and often wondered what circumstances could create a man who seemed so barely human. But Sephiroth never alluded to his family or childhood, and Zack got the impression that such inquiries would not be welcome. Until he could pluck up the courage to ask, Zack had only a wide array of bizarre rumors and his own guesses.

Sephiroth seemed nearly ready to rejoin the conversation. As he turned his attention back to Zack, something dark flashed, very briefly, in his eyes. They were silver, like pools of cold steel, an eye color Zack had never seen on anyone else.

"I believe you should introduce us, Lieutenant."

"What? Now?" Zack frowned uncertainly. "Uh, sir, I'm not sure this would be the best time."

"Why?"

"Well, Spiky's kinda a huge fan of yours. He'd kill me for telling you, but you're the reason he wanted to join ShinRa and try to become a SOLDIER in the first place."

Sephiroth's expression remained one of passive curiosity; he was used to the worship of younger officers. "Would he not, then, be eager to meet me?"

"He is, but he's also terrified."

"Strife will be accompanying us on a mission in six days. It is better for him to get it over with now, rather than spend that time worrying about having to face me. Do you agree, Lieutenant?"

"I see your point, sir. Just, please go easy on him, okay?"

Sephiroth waited, standing statue-still, as Zack went to fetch Cloud. He noticed with a soft chuckle that Lt. Fair had to nearly drag the boy at first, and that the boy's eyes were wide, though he was making an effort to appear casual. Zack stayed close to Cloud as they approached, and shot Sephiroth another pleading look.

Sephiroth waited a few seconds for the sixteen-year-old to bravely meet his eyes, and offered his slight smile. "Private Strife. I've heard a great deal about you from Lieutenant Fair."

"General, sir." Somehow Cloud remembered how to salute.

"At ease, Private. I do not wish this introduction to be a formal one." Sephiroth observed Cloud's rigid stance and felt somehow humbled by the boy's awe. "Strife, relax, or I will assign Zack a hundred-lap run around the assembly field."

His attempt at humor worked, fortunately. Cloud glanced at Zack and smiled, biting his lower lip, and his arms slowly untensed.

"Hey!" Zack complained, though he was grinning. "I hate laps, they're so boring!"

"Your fate is in his hands, Lieutenant." Cloud laughed, and Sephiroth's smile nearly touched his cool eyes. "Though I believe you are safe now."

Cloud seemed embarassed to have laughed in Sephiroth's presence and looked at the floor, though his relieved expression did not change. Zack was right, Sephiroth realized absently, the sight of the teenager blushing induced a warm sort of feeling in him, the general who had never felt an interest in children or baby animals or anything else "cute".

"Did Zack tell you about the upcoming mission?"

Cloud's head snapped back up. "Yes, sir! Thank you for allowing me to come. Nibelheim is my home, sir, that's where I'm from."

"Very good, you'll know your way around, then. That will be useful. You have family there?"

"Just my mother, sir."

"I'll be sure to give you leave to visit her."

"See, Spiky?" Zack murmured, nudging Cloud with his elbow. "He doesn't bite."

"Zack!"

"I could always change my mind about those laps, Lieutenant," Sephiroth said, then softened his voice as he turned back to Cloud. "Lieutenant Fair has been assisting you with weapons training?"

"Yes, sir. He's been great."

Zack beamed and slung an arm around the boy, trying to pull him into a hug. Sephiroth watched Cloud struggle and pull away with a twinge of satisfaction. Zack rebuffed, the poisonous green feeling narrowly avoided. What did it mean? Confronting the question made the answer obvious.

"Keep training," he heard himself say, and meant it. "You are small, but size and strength are no match for speed and skill. You have potential. Your instincts, in particular, are excellent."

"Th-thank you, sir," Cloud stammered, feeling a desperate urge to pinch himself and be sure this wasn't a dream.

Sephiroth nodded, turned and swept out of the gym, his long black coat billowing behind him. He wanted the young private, that much was clear - it was the intensity of the desire that made him uneasy. Sephiroth had always carefully controlled his few strong emotions, had had to...especially in the field, when the fiends were all dead and Masamune pleaded for more blood. Sephiroth's greatest fear was that there was something monstrous in himself that Hojo and ShinRa had to keep contained, and maybe it was this part of him that urged him to go back to the gym and take from Cloud what all the others had only given willingly.

For that was the difference. Sephiroth realized the boy was perhaps too young; the monster wanted Cloud all the more because he was so innocent. Sephiroth would prefer to seduce the boy; the monster imagined him unwilling, so delicate and weak, easy to hold down and force. Sephiroth thought of touching the lovely face and feeling the heat of the blushing cheeks; the monster thought of the lower set of cheeks, of wrenching them open and finding release in that hot darkness. Sephiroth wanted to have Cloud close to him every moment, whether by his side, in his arms, beneath him. They shared a rage at the thought of anyone else touching the boy...but unlike the monster, Sephiroth couldn't bear the thought of hurting Cloud in anyway.

_There is no monster! Gaia, what is wrong with me?_

Back in the gym, Cloud's shoulders slumped with relief, divested of a huge weight. He had met the great General Sephiroth, his idol, and got through it without fainting. As Zack had said he would be, Sephiroth was kind to him, more than he expected, and if anything, Cloud was more determined than ever to become a SOLDIER and fight alongside his hero.

"Zack?"

Zack blinked and shook his head, his first movements since Sephiroth had left them. "Didn't I tell you, kiddo? Nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, right, my heart is still pounding! But he's so...I didn't expect him to be so nice."

"Well, to be honest," Zack said slowly, "that _was_ unusual. He almost never gives compliments like that, even to 1st Classes. I think I'm more surprised than you are."

"The general isn't very comfortable talking to people, is he?" Cloud asked, staring down at his boots.

"No, I don't think he is."

"Like, he tries to figure out what the right thing to say is, and says that, because he doesn't know. I wonder why he doesn't know."

Zack laughed. "I'm sure you'll end up understanding him better than I could. C'mon, enough training for today..."

__

scscscsc

Most SOLDIERs would name Dr. Hojo's laboratory as their least favorite place in Midgar - possibly in the whole world. Every Thursday, after his injection, Zack would stumble out, look wearily at Sephiroth and mumble something like, "Never again. You know my puke is green now, Seph? This cannot be healthy."

Sephiroth was not able to properly sympathize; he could not remember ever having vomited. He recalled often being ill as a child, but with other symptoms - headaches, fevers, pain in every limb like his veins were full of fire. Only as an adult had he connected the injections to the illnesses, but by then it didn't seem to matter. He no longer had any kind of side effects to mako.

Sephiroth's injections were always done at night, and always alone, just he and Hojo. The other SOLDIERs came in the daytime, in groups of five or ten, and Hojo's two assistants Dr. Mira and Dr. Watts handled most of them. Now, the lab was perfectly still, and ShinRa's premier scientific mind was going through the steps that Sephiroth knew by heart.

They rarely spoke. Hojo muttered to himself, sometimes calmly, sometimes excitedly, as he drew a vial of blood and examined it under a microscope. He would then note temperature, blood pressure and pulse, and ask if there was anything Sephiroth needed to report or wanted to ask. Usually the answer was a mute shake of the head, and he would be finished. On this night, the general didn't even wait for him to ask.

"Is it painful for the others?"

"Hmm? What?" Hojo had heard him; he just needed a moment to recover from this surprising inquiry. "The treatments? They cause pain in some, nausea in others. Your friend Lieutenant Fair has offered more than once to bottle a sample of his vomit for me, heh heh. Why the sudden concern?"

He didn't wait for Sephiroth's answer, perhaps because he was so used to the young man's silence. "Quite fortunate that your body has had so long to adjust to the treatments. You feel nothing, correct?" he asked as the needle began to deliver the luminescent green goop into Sephiroth's vein.

Sephiroth knew the doctor was referring to side effects, but the question gave him pause nonetheless. He felt very little. Was he supposed to feel nothing? If feeling was an aberration, what was normal for him? Ever since he was a child, he had felt

_I have known_

that he was not like other people. He had never been around anyone his age until his late teens, but he still knew most kids didn't grow up in labs with scientists documenting their every move. Other thirteen-year-olds could not rip heavy doors off their hinges and leap to the top of five-story buildings. Other children could not read a page of text once and remember every word. Adults didn't look at other children with a mixture of wonder and terror.

Had he ever asked Hojo about this? He had, the memory surfaced; he had been seven or eight at the time.

_"Doctor, am I...different?"_

_"You're special, yes."_

No more had been said. It was not long after that the boy had asked another question that received a short, vague answer.

"Doctor, you told me once that my mother's name was Jenova."

Hojo looked frightened for a moment. He seemed to relax only when it was clear that Sephiroth's mood was not shifting.

"Yes...yes."

"You told me nothing else."

"There is little else to tell. I knew of her, she died following childbirth, she left you in my keeping. What does it matter?"

Sephiroth waited for the needle to be withdrawn, stood up and walked to the door, not looking back.

"It does not matter."

**To be continued.**


	3. Chapter 3

**NOT LIKE THIS  
Chapter 3**

 

The movement of the van, even over rough gravel roads, hardly seemed to jostle Sephiroth at all. Zack wondered how he was able to sit so still, absorbed in thought, with the constant bumping and swerving that was both distracting and boring. Zack didn't like being cooped up, but at least he was better off than Cloud.

The poor kid was sitting against a side wall, curled up in a ball with his knees gathered to his chest. Zack had forgotten that Cloud was prone to motion sickness, and felt guilty for dragging him along.

"Hey, Spiky. You doing okay?" he asked, crouching down next to him.

"I'm fine, really." The van turned sharply and Cloud groaned, hiding his face in his arms. The voice continued, muffled now. "I'm fine."

Private Jansen had been asleep for nearly an hour, and the driver was separated from the passengers by a thin partition. It was therefore really just the three of them, and Zack understood that Cloud was trying to be brave and strong in the presence of his idol. He wasn't sure what to say that wouldn't embarass the boy further, so he settled for silently petting the blond spikes. To his delight, Cloud seemed to relax, and stopped reacting so much to the movement of the vehicle.

Sephiroth watched, outwardly with nothing but curiosity. Inside, the monster he refused to acknowledge rattled the bars of its cage. He wasn't sure whether he admired Zack or wanted to kill him. It had to be the former, it had to be, he cared for Zack, the only one he could really talk to.

_If Zack knew about the monster, what it wants to do to Cloud, he would hate me. I think, if I ever let it, I would hate me even more._

The file in Sephiroth's hands contained their mission objective - investigate reports of unidentified and unusually vicious beasts in the Nibelheim area, specifically in the vicinity of the mako reactor. They would be staying in Nibelheim's only inn, which faintly disappointed Sephiroth. The ShinRa Mansion had fallen out of use and become too run down for occupation, perhaps, but he was vaguely fond of the grand old place. Sephiroth had spent time there as a child with Hojo and Ganzei, and the only room the boy had been forbidden to enter was the basement. He sometimes wondered if Ganzei had ever gone back there, as he had seemed to love the house. Ganzei had left when Sephiroth was sixteen, very suddenly; the reason for this was one of the many things he had never found out.

_Is there something left of him there, in that old mansion?_

"General, sir!" the driver called back. "Just got a report over the radio. Monsters have been sighted along this road."

Sephiroth met Zack's eyes. "How's your stamina, Lieutenant?"

Zack understood. Essentially, he was being ordered to run alongside the van for a few minutes and scout the immediate area for any sign of the enemy. It had been a common SOLDIER training exercise and was easy enough, not to mention more exciting than this, but...Zack looked at Cloud, then back to Sephiroth.

"I will be here, Lieutenant."

Zack scoffed, as if to say that was the problem, but he stood, saluted and opened the back door.

"Won't be long, Spiky," he called, and slipped out, pushing the door shut behind him.

As much as Sephiroth had desired to be alone with Cloud, now that he was he wasn't sure what to say. Cloud didn't move, though Sephiroth sensed him shifting slightly as he came to kneel in the spot Zack had vacated. The vehicle went over a bump so large that the descent from it felt like a crash, and Cloud tensed but refused to cry out.

_Ah, that was why Zack gave me that look. Cloud is trying not to show weakness in front of me._

"Private, you may hold that position and keep your head down if doing so makes you feel better."

"Thank you, sir," Cloud said softly, evidently relieved that he would not have to look his hero in the eye.

"Do you require a Potion?"

"No thank you, sir. I'll be fine once we stop moving." Cloud took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

Sephiroth nodded with approval. "Zack said you never back down from anything."

"He told you that, sir? With all due respect, sir, I think Lieutenant Fair was exaggerating."

"Very possibly," Sephiroth said with the barest hint of a laugh. "But I have seen for myself he did not lie when he said you have potential."

"Zack said that?" Cloud whispered shyly. The van sped over another jolting bump, and he must've been taken by surprise this time, for he let out a quiet whimper.

Sephiroth's hand, declining to wait for the brain to issue orders, reached out and descended gently upon Cloud's head. The boy made another sound, nearly inaudible this time, but Sephiroth was not deterred. He waited a full minute, for the boy's trembling to start to diminish, and began to stroke the blond spikes as he had seen Zack do. He was pleasantly surprised by how soft and fine the hair was, the way it slid through his fingers like water.

"Indeed. He informed me you aspire to be a SOLDIER."

"I hope to be, sir, one day."

"Zack also told me you are frequently harassed by others in the Guard. When I asked him why this is so, he told me I would understand when I saw you. And he was correct, I do."

Cloud said nothing, he seemed to have stopped breathing.

"I went through something similar, when I was a teenager. People often reacted to me in the same way."

Still, no response.

"You are not surprised?"

"Not really, sir," the boy whispered.

Sephiroth smiled, realizing Cloud was complimenting him. He also sensed that Cloud had begun to breathe again, slowly; he could feel the faint movement when his hand brushed over the boy's neck, and the accelerating heartbeat that pumped the blood and made the skin warm. Sephiroth wanted to put his hands everywhere and measure the difference in temperature from limb to limb, from inch to porcelain inch. The monster wanted...Sephiroth would not listen, so it didn't matter, but its voice seemed to have gotten stronger, and he was worried that _that_ might very well matter.

"General, may I ask a question? A...personal question?"

"Certainly."

"How did you deal with it, sir?"

"The unwelcome attention?" Sephiroth asked, assuming Cloud wasn't referring to advances that were accepted.

The boy nodded, his face remaining hidden.

"Sometimes saying no was enough. When it was not, I injured. Occasionally I killed." He didn't think, until the words were out, that his flat tone might sound heartless.

_Perhaps I am heartless._

"I could never do that, sir."

"I could do it for you, Private."

Cloud laughed softly, and Sephiroth realized the boy thought he was joking. _It is best, probably, to let him think that. He believes I understand, that my motives are pure, ha. If I allow him to know I want him now, I will be betraying this moment, this connection we have made._

Nevertheless, even as he thought this, Sephiroth's hand slid over Cloud's neck, and instead of returning to its starting point at the top of his head, continued past Cloud's shoulders. It moved very slowly, to take its time with the slight body, and descended until it reached the place where the boy's heartbeat could be felt most strongly. The skin beneath the thin blue uniform was warm, and it warmed his cool hand, almost enough to burn him. Sephiroth's fingers gently flexed, pressing the fabric with a gentle up-and-down motion, but the palm remained in place, counting the beats of the distant heart.

Cloud was breathing audibly now, very slowly, in and out, like he was trying to keep control of something. Was it fear already, did he sense the intention in the touch that pretended to be reassuring? Was he trying not to show discomfort or surprise at anything the general did, to be calm and professional for his hero, the famous Sephiroth? Could it be both, or something Sephiroth - a stranger among other humans - was overlooking completely? "You're something else, Seph," Zack had once dared to say. "You're like an alien in a man costume." It would not be the first or the hundredth time he had been unable to guess what emotion he was looking at.

Cloud did not object to the touch...who would dare to say no to Sephiroth, even of those who did not look up to him? For this reason, the general knew the honorable thing to do would be to withdraw completely and keep a discreet distance from the boy from now on.

Sephiroth's other hand, too, seemed to be following no orders but its own desires. It reached out - hesitantly, as though knowing it did wrong - and came to rest palm-down against the side of Cloud's upper right leg. Cloud exhaled suddenly, too suddenly, and Sephiroth could almost hear his mind race into overdrive, trying to find a logical reason that ShinRa's famous general might have to be stroking his thigh. Having come up with no reason but one himself, Sephiroth wondered if Cloud guessed it, and how he would react.

The hand slipped out of sight, to the underside of the leg, and the fingers brushed along the inner side of the boy's thigh, careful not to get too far from the knee. Even warmer here, the breathing had become more erratic, and Sephiroth was conscious of the increased pace at which his own lungs were working. He could take Cloud now, there was no one strong enough to stop him, he could kill them all if it came to that...for this warmth, and the promise of greater heat inside - 

Cloud whimpered suddenly, and Sephiroth drew his hands back without thought. The rear door opened and Zack flung himself cheerfully onto the floor of the compartment, rising momentarily with a bemused expression on his face.

"Nothing to report, sir. The sighting probably came from a civilian who saw a chocobo and panicked."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. As you were."

Zack saluted and returned to his seat beside Cloud. "Hey, Spiky, how are you doing?" He frowned. "You're really warm. Do you feel any worse? And don't say you're fine."

"I'm fine, really," Cloud said into his arms, squirming away when Zack tried to get him to stretch out. He was holding tight to his legs, apparently terrified that he would be forced to lay them flat.

Sephiroth, watching him, smiled with amazement. Could it be that Cloud had not been afraid or anxious alone, but aroused also by his touches?

"Okay, okay, I won't make you lay down, but you're taking a Potion if I have to force every drop down your throat myself," Zack was saying.

"Make that a Remedy instead," Sephiroth ordered. "They work better on fevers."

Remedies also, Sephiroth knew, had the interesting side effect of instantly banishing the drinker's erection. Had the general not been justifiably proud of his own physical self control, he would need one himself before the tightness of his pants proved stimulation enough.

Meekly, Cloud drank the cool liquid Zack pressed on him. A few moments later, he was already feeling better, and relieved. Cloud had not known Remedies worked on that particular embarassing problem, but he felt very grateful to the general...and then, embarrassed again. Had Sephiroth suggested a Remedy for that reason? Had he seen it, or felt it?

"You're still a bit flushed," Zack observed, patting the boy's pink cheeks.

"I feel better, honest."

"Are you sure? Maybe you're allergic to Sephiroth," Zack teased.

Cloud smiled, ducking his head to hide a furious blush.

__

scscscsc

The van came to a stop just outside Nibelheim, and Privates Strife and Jansen unloaded the equipment while the general and the lieutenant stood nearby.

"Orders, sir?"

"We stop at the inn first, then we'll be meeting up with the girl who is to be our guide to the reactor."

"Girl?"

"Young, but highly recommended." Sephiroth pointed to the file. "Tifa Lockhart."

A soft thud came from behind them; Cloud had dropped a tent. The SOLDIERs looked, but Cloud quickly picked up the tent and continued, refusing to meet their eyes.

They left the van just outside the main village entrance and entered Nibelheim on foot. Zack smiled warmly at Cloud, assuming he must be thrilled to be home, and was puzzled to see the boy looking miserable and nervous. He moved closer to ask what was wrong, but Sephiroth - surveying the quaint landscape - spoke to Cloud first.

"How does it feel to be home? I never had a hometown, so I wouldn't know."

Cloud was curious eough to forget his apprehension for a moment. "What about your parents, sir? Your family?"

"My mother was Jenova. She died giving birth to me. As for the rest..." Sephiroth's voice and laugh were strange, distant and preoccupied. "What does it matter? Let's go."

Arriving at the inn presented no difficulties beyond the intimidation the owners felt at the sight of Sephiroth. The general was perplexed to see that Cloud had put his helmet on and was standing stiffly, showing no desire to talk to people who had probably known him all his life. Upstairs, Zack excused himself from the room assigned to he and Sephiroth and hurried to the adjoining one. With a sting of sadness, Sephiroth thought, _Of course it's Zack who goes to find out what's wrong and fix it. Cloud trusts Zack, and he's right to do so. But me, on the other hand..._

The general went to the window and stared out over the village, at the dark, towering presence of the ShinRa Mansion. It loomed over Nibelheim like a shadow, like a hand that could hold gently or crush in its grip. It was strangely hard to turn away, even after the view could offer no more observations or information. Something was tugging at him, trying to move him to that old house, he felt there would be no peace for him until he obeyed it...

Sephiroth shook his head, irritated at himself. The mission was his priority. They would be here for a few days, there would be time to visit the rooms and corridors he remembered from his childhood. Maybe there would be some remnant of Ganzei there. Maybe he would take Zack and Cloud inside with him, since they seemed interested in their general's past.

"Hey, Seph?"

He didn't turn, waiting for Zack to join him. Zack, at least, seemed untroubled by the brooding presence of the mansion. He smiled at the quiet, peaceful life that Nibelheim showed them.

"Cute place, huh?"

Sephiroth didn't answer. He was wondering how many days he had spent in that somber house with Hojo's experimenting and Ganzei's puzzling concern, never knowing that there was - only a few streets away, at most - a little boy growing up who would turn his world upside down. When he was fourteen, Cloud would have been six. Maybe Cloud had been one of the children who peered at the mansion from a safe distance, whispering that it was haunted. No, Sephiroth had watched them from a high window and felt nothing about them, but Cloud would have stirred something in him even then, he was sure of it. Some connection.

"Sir, Private Strife has a request."

"What is it?"

"He would like us not to call or refer to him by name in the presence of Miss Lockhart."

"Why?" 

_He must know her. An old girlfriend, perhaps? Whatever she is, she will not have him._

Zack shrugged. "He won't tell me, and I don't want to order him to. Seems harmless enough, though, right?"

The general nodded. "Granted."

"Thanks, Seph. The Guards and I await your orders, sir."

Sephiroth tore his gaze from the window at last and met Zack's eyes. The familiar, fond sight of the lieutenant's face brought him back to himself, and he straightened himself up to his full, imposing height.

"Let's move out."

Privates Strife and Jansen both had on their full Guard uniforms, helmets included - they could only be told apart by the difference in height and body type, and that the shorter of them visibly tensed as they exited the inn. A dark-haired girl of about sixteen was waiting for them, smiling brightly beneath a jaunty cowboy hat.

"You're the group from ShinRa, right?" she asked. "I'm Tifa Lockhart."

Her eyes widened slightly as they settled on Sephiroth. He smirked, a bit more pleased than usual about the fear he inspired in people. Zack stepped forward, resisting the impulse to roll his eyes.

"Lieutenant Zack Fair, SOLDIER, 1st Class. As I'm sure you know already, this is General Sephiroth. Those two are privates from the ShinRa Guard. As part of, uh, an initiation, they will not be referred to by their names, so you won't need to know them."

"Pleased to meet you all. Well, I'm ready whenever you are!"

There were an amusing few moments then, which culminated in Sephiroth grudgingly allowing an intimidated but eager villager to take a picture of him. The general was silent as they got on their way, passing the ShinRa Mansion and heading to the less-used village gate. He was distracted, Zack thought, or just focused; but that was usually Sephiroth's way, so Zack couldn't tell if the photo incident had genuinely bothered him. He knew his friend regarded his own fame with some confusion, never quite understanding why he was admired for doing his job, even if he was able to do it better than anyone else.

Zack looked at Cloud, who had relaxed a bit, and gave him an encouraging smile. He was pretty sure he could later find out why Cloud wanted to be incognito around Tifa; he was good at worming information out of people. His former mentor Angeal used to tease Zack, saying he should have been a Turk, and laughing at the pout Zack always gave in response.

"Um, Lieutenant Fair, was it?"

"Yeah?"

Zack jogged a bit ahead to walk at Tifa's side. She was clearly a confident girl, but she looked suddenly shy.

"Um, are there a lot of people in SOLDIER?"

"Right now, I think about two hundred."

"So you wouldn't know all of them?"

Zack shook his head. "Definitely not."

"Oh. Okay."

With that, she seemed to consider the conversation over, and said nothing more for a long while. The group walked in silence until they reached a wide, deep chasm, like an ugly gash in the planet that had never healed. The only way across was a bridge made of rope and planks, narrow and looking quite old and worn.

"Is it safe?" Zack asked dubiously.

"Safer than it looks," Tifa said, "and stronger. If we go slowly, single-file, with some space between us, we should be fine. The important thing is to watch the wind. It gets really strong here. If the wind picks up, hold on to the rope-rails and stay still until it dies down."

Tifa valiantly insisted on going first, and Sephiroth let her have her way without much of a fight. He would follow, then Zack, then the two privates. The icy air was still, so they began at once.

It was a daunting journey across the unsteady bridge, with the knowledge that to fall would certainly mean death. And for Cloud, it was also quite strange. Despite his mother's rules, he had traversed this bridge a few times as a child, and he couldn't remember ever feeling so afraid on it. He reminded himself that he had been lucky on this mission so far - no monsters, remaining undetected by Tifa. He thought of those exciting and terrifying minutes in the van with Sephiroth, and his cold face felt uncomfortably hot.

Cloud was two steps from solid ground when the wind began to blow, suddenly and hard. He was close enough, so he took Zack's advice - _Don't think, feel_ \- and sprang lightly onto the snowy ledge. What came next happened too fast for something so important. Before he could look over his shoulder, even, Cloud felt the panicked movement behind him, heard the ropes creak as if in warning. His stomach sank, and he knew. Private Jansen was trying to run for it, either thinking he could make it or just too afraid to hold on.

Zack's arms grabbed Cloud as he turned around and held him back, to prevent Cloud from rushing back and losing his life to the futile effort. The bridge swung wildly, the planks slipped out from under Private Jansen's feet, and in seconds he was gone.

Tifa screamed. Cloud's legs seemed to lose the power to hold him up and Zack was doing it instead, whispering "Stay with me, Spiky, stay with me."

Cloud shook his head, he didn't understand. Private Jansen was the one who had gone. Kyle. Jansen's first name was Kyle. Why not be informal now that there was no one left to offend?

"I need you to hold together, kiddo," Zack was whispering. "Can you do that, for me?"

Feeling a numbness that had nothing to do with the cold, Cloud nodded, and let Zack steady him on his feet. They turned to find Sephiroth's expression hard, and Tifa crying. The general waited a few moments, presumably to let everyone collect themselves, and spoke flatly. 

"We're nearly there. We go on."

Tifa looked at him, tearful and angry. "What? How can you be so calm? A man just died!"

"He's aware of that, Miss Lockhart," Zack cut in.

"And you just want to keep going like nothing happened?!"

"There is nothing we can do for Private Jansen," Sephiroth said simply. "He will gain nothing from our failure. I am not in the habit of letting my men die for nothing, Miss Lockhart. I will see this mission completed. Whether you continue to guide us or not is your decision. You can go back, if you wish."

"A friend of mine left Nibelheim to become a SOLDIER," Tifa said quietly, "because he wanted to be like you. But if this is what SOLDIERs think of each other's lives, then I hope Cloud never made it."

Nevertheless, having had her say, she turned away from the bridge and gestured them to follow. Zack followed her and the general, holding Cloud to his side. He thought he was beginning to understand why the boy wanted Tifa kept unaware of his presence, though it was no time to express this to Cloud. Zack spoke quietly, only to save Cloud any embarassment; he doubted Sephiroth would expect such a young officer to be able to shake off this kind of death alone and quickly.

"I know what you're feeling, Spiky. The first time is the worst, no matter what kind of death it is. We'll have time to grieve for Jansen later."

"Kyle," Cloud whispered.

"Kyle. But right now, we've got to stay focused. Can you do that?"

"Yes. I'm okay."

Zack squeezed him in a quick hug and stepped away, but began to walk at Cloud's side, rather than go ahead and let him out of sight. He wished Cloud wasn't insistent about wearing the helmet. He could hear him and talk to him through it easily, but it hid his face, and Zack was left wondering how much hurt he wasn't seeing.

There were no more words between the four until they reached the old mako reactor. Though it had only fallen out of use ten years earlier, the structure had an eerie air of stillness and emptiness, like a ruin left from a forgotten time. A wide ramp led up to the entrance. Tifa, Cloud and Zack halted a short distance from it, awaiting orders. Sephiroth didn't come to a halt until he stood at the ramp, and stared up at the double doors that led inside. He was facing away from the others. Had they seen his faintly alarmed, confused expression, they would have been shocked.

The voice, the voice from the dreams, female and powerful beyond the understanding of mere humans. It was strong here, audible enough to understand, and it spoke one word over and over, warm and icy all at once, seductive and terrible.

_Come. Come. Come. Come. Come._

"General?"

"Come," Sephiroth whispered.

"Sir?" Zack was approaching, and he looked concerned. Sephiroth quickly made his expression neutral. "Your orders?"

"Lieutenant, you'll come in with me. Private, remain here and protect Miss Lockhart."

"It's Tifa," Tifa said, placing one hand on her hip. "I can't go in?"

"No," Sephiroth said, and began to head up the ramp.

Zack followed, turning back to smile. "Sorry. Confidential stuff. We won't be too long."

"Hmph!" Tifa said. "Cloud could've taught you guys some manners, that's for sure."

The mute private shifted uneasily where he stood, and would not look at her.

**To be continued.**


	4. Chapter 4

**NOT LIKE THIS  
Chapter 4**

 

"You okay, Seph?" Zack asked as they negotiated the dark ramps, walkways and platforms, assisted by their mako-enhanced eyes.

The mission file had included a map, and Sephiroth held it, though he hadn't looked at it once. He was walking with a more urgent stride than usual, and the distraction in his expression had become, if anything, more pronounced. Even his eyes seemed strange, more green than silver in this lack of light.

"I am fine."

As with stubborn little Cloud, an insistence on being okay meant nothing from Sephiroth. For someone who had such trouble reading faces, his own betrayed him much more than he probably realized - maybe because he showed emotion so rarely, it was all the more noticeable when he did. Zack realized the general had seemed preoccupied since meeting Cloud, and wondered if Cloud had something to do with this. But how?

It was not Sephiroth's way to show much interest in other people, certainly not subordinates. Zack himself was, so far as he knew, the sole exception to this rule. Zack's mentor Angeal had been one of the first 1st Class SOLDIERs, one of Sephiroth's few friends, and after Angeal's death, Sephiroth had taken an interest in Zack, helped him work his way to 1st Class. Zack suspected Sephiroth had done this at Angeal's request, out of a sense of duty, but he had no doubt about the genuine friendship they had developed. Sephiroth could be intending to look out for Cloud the same way, but that answer didn't seem right. Cloud already had Zack, after all. How much protection could the boy possibly need, even if he was too adorable and endearing for his own good?

"Have you been here before, Seph? You sure know your way around."

"All the reactors built by ShinRa have similar layouts," Sephiroth said vaguely. "I toured the Midgar reactor six years ago."

"Sometimes I think you're not quite human," Zack chuckled.

The general didn't answer, merely frowning as he led the way. The source of the voice was near...they entered a large room with stairs that led to levels of specimen containers, and the calling ceased. There was no need for it now, he could feel that she was here, whoever she was.

The SOLDIERs climbed the stairs to the first level and moved to stand in front of the nearest container. Sephiroth peered in through the small window and felt a dull mingling of disgust and anger. Hojo's work, no doubt, one of the more sinister kinds that even Sephiroth didn't now much about.

"What is it, sir?"

"Look."

Zack did, and staggered back so suddenly that he fell. He got to his feet, looking back and forth between Sephiroth and the container with an open mouth.

"What the hell is that?" He gestured to the other containers, feeling sure they were all the same. "What are they?"

"Hojo's failures."

"What?"

"Your body contains mako, but you are still a normal human," Sephiroth said quietly, looking at the metal door between them and the hideous, humanoid monster. "Those are what happens when the body is exposed to more mako than it can handle. Cellular structure is warped beyond recognition. Brain function is reduced to its most primal level."

"Mako did this? The same stuff you and I get every week?"

Again, Sephiroth made no response, this time because a forgotten memory surfaced.

_Hojo knew Sephiroth's abilities better than anyone, but when sufficiently distracted, he sometimes forgot, and Ganzei was good at distracting him. He had been preparing the injections for SOLDIERs who would be coming in shortly, and Ganzei was shadowing his every move, wringing his hands as he whispered heatedly. Sephiroth was on the other side of the lab, reading a book on swordfighting techniques by his instructor Anzaru, and listening to the doctors argue._

_"We've had this discussion before, Ganzei. I don't know what you're getting so worked up about."_

_"How can you do this so casually? Don't you remember the failures? Just because you've hidden them away doesn't mean they don't exist."_

_"Success is built on past failures," Hojo snapped. "Without those earlier specimens, we would not know the result of excessive exposure. I've decreased the dose, as you well know. It will not happen again."_

_"But you don't know!" Ganzei said desperately. "Why is the wonder of life as it is never enough for you? Why this obsession with making people different?"_

_"You have no ambition, no willingness to make sacrifices." Hojo turned his head haughtily as he filled the syringes. "That's why you've always been a second-rate scientist. My work will make mankind into a race of gods. What are a few deaths along the way?"_

_Ganzei stared at his associate sadly. His kind face - grandfatherly with a shaggy gray beard that matched his hair - was careworn with years of disappointment._

_"You're mad. I don't why I ever helped you."_

_"Because you've seen what I'm capable of, you've seen the results! You can't deny the progress of the current subjects. Of course it is more effective to begin the treatments much younger, we know that, but I must take what opportunities present themselves."_

_"If it was only the mako, Hojo, I would understand. But the other - "_

_"The other element, heh." Hojo laughed. "It strengthens and improves the body beyond what mako alone is capable of. I've heard your objections before. Don't you see we will learn more about its origin this way than you ever could by chasing legends?"_

_"You care more for your own greed and curiosity than you do for the lives you damage," Ganzei said miserably. "I could never urge you from this ill-conceived path. What did I do wrong?"_

_"I don't force you to stay here."_

_"I stay only for his sake. I care for him, even if you don't."_

"Seph!"

Sephiroth met Zack's worried stare slowly, as though awakening from a puzzling dream. For a few seconds, he looked at his closest friend like he didn't recognize him; then Sephiroth nodded and awkwardly patted Zack's shoulder, a clumsy attempt at reassurance the general had learned from observation.

"I didn't mean to alarm you. I was thinking."

Zack didn't look entirely convinced. "You think these are the monsters the reports mentioned, or something like them?"

"Perhaps." Sephiroth's sharp eyes, flashing back and forth between green and silver, surveyed the rows of imprisoned specimens. "There seem to be a few empty, but these all appear to be locked."

"There's one more up at the top..." Zack sprang up the steps two at a time, and Sephiroth followed slowly, trying to examine the pull he was feeling in this very direction.

_Come. Come. Come. My son..._

"Uh, Seph?"

Zack's voice sounded dry and shaky...frightened? These abandoned monsters were a disturbing sight, true, but Zack was a 1st Class SOLDIER, both one of the best and one of the youngest. What sight here could so unnerve the courageous fighter?

Sephiroth stepped past him to face the cylindrical tank set apart from the others, and leaned in close to the small window. Through the watery green of a mako solution, he saw a tall figure floating languidly, a female with long, whitish hair. In a single glance she gave the impression of both beauty and power, and there was something cold about her that had nothing to do with death. Her features were familiar, though it wasn't clear from where.

_My son..._

Almost unwillingly, Sephiroth raised his eyes to the letters wrought in metal just above the specimen's tank. They were, irrevocably, undeniably, J-E-N-O-V-A. Jenova.

"Seph...didn't you say...your mother's name..."

Sephiroth looked back at the lifeless face, seeing now how its features resembled his own, how the hair - in all but color - was very like his. My son, the voice whispered again, coming from this beautiful dead thing somehow, and Sephiroth's mind struggled to examine all the pieces that formed this emerging answer.

_"Doctor, am I...different?"_

_"Her name was Jenova. She died just after you were born."_

_"Why this obsession with making people different?"_

_"Of course it is more effective to begin the treatments much younger, we know that..."_

_"If it was only the mako - "_

_"The other element - "_

_"My son..."_

_"You're like an alien in a man costume."_

_"I never had a hometown..."_

_"My work will make mankind into a race of gods."_

_"My mother was Jenova."_

_Mother?_

Sephiroth's hands clutched his head and he staggered back, shaking his head slowly, his whole body twisting with the motion. Zack came close and hovered anxiously, but he was afraid to touch or speak. He had never seen Sephiroth distraught; it was as bad as Sephiroth angry. Worse.

"I always knew I wasn't like the others as a child," the general whispered. "That I was different, somehow. But...not like this."

"Seph, it's just a name," Zack said, struggling to find the right words. "Hojo could have lied. I mean, this...thing...isn't human."

"Am I, Zack?"

"You're...you're different. But - "

_My son..._

" - let's just not assume anything yet. Ask Hojo when we get back, tell him you've seen this and get the truth out of him."

Sephiroth nodded slowly, to Zack's obvious relief. "I believe we are finished here, Lieutenant. We return to the village."

__

scscscsc

The party returned to Nibelheim silently, though Tifa looked like she wanted to ask a million or so questions and Zack was watching Sephiroth with uneasy concern. Cloud sensed the general's tension and wasn't fooled by Zack's reassuring smile, or the way he stayed close to him as they walked. Cloud resolved to ask Zack what was up the second he could get him alone.

As it turned out, that wasn't difficult to do. As soon as they re-entered the vilage, Sephiroth dismissed Tifa (who stomped off in a huff) and told Zack and Cloud they were on stand-by until further notice; basically off-duty, but required to stay in Nibelheim and be ready for anything. Zack tried to say something, but Sephiroth interrupted, saying that he would be in the ShinRa Mansion and did not wish to be disturbed unless there was an emergency. As he stalked off, Zack turned to Cloud and again tried the reassuring smile.

"Zack, what's going on?" Tifa was nowhere in sight, so Cloud cautiously removed his helmet. "Is the general all right?"

"I'm not really sure, Spiky," Zack sighed. "Let me think about it awhile and we'll talk about it tonight. In the meantime, you promised to introduce me to your mom."

Cloud, who had been afraid he'd be made to talk about Private Jansen, agreed with little protest. Mrs. Strife tried hard not to embarass her son when they arrived, but she didn't stop hugging Cloud until he turned red and tried to hide behind Zack. She pulled them into the house and immediately began an attempt to force-feed them enough tea and cookies for the entire population of Midgar. Zack liked her immediately and could easily see why Cloud was so sweet and sensitive, having been brought up in this warm, cheerful house, by a loving mother who reminded Zack of his own.

Mrs. Strife scolded Cloud gently for hiding from Tifa, but not long enough for Zack to find out why he was doing it. She wanted to know everything Cloud had been busy with, but the boy seemed reticent to say much even to his own mother, so Zack jumped in.

"I've been helping Spiky with his sword-work. He's a natural, and he works hard at it. He even impressed General Sephiroth."

Her mouth fell open in amazement, and she hurried across the kitchen to stand by her son, who was averting his eyes. "Sweetheart, that's wonderful! That's his hero, you know, Zack, even when he was shorter than this chair, it was always Sephiroth this and Sephiroth that. It was the cutest thing, the way he'd run around waving a stick and pretending he was fighting alongside Sephiroth."

"Mom," Cloud groaned.

Zack grinned. "Nothing wrong with being adorable. Has his hair always been spiky like this?"

"Oh, yes, ever since it began to grow. It's gotten a bit long, but I always quite liked it." Mrs. Strife patted Zack's cheek. "Spikes are quite becoming on you too, dear. With such handsome men in ShinRa," she chuckled gently, "I wonder if my Cloud will end up bringing me a son-in-law instead of a daughter."

Cloud groaned again and hid his face in his hands. Zack was having a wonderful time and, while Cloud recovered his dignity, happily chatted with Mrs. Strife about the life of a SOLDIER and the life of a ShinRa Guard, trying to make both sound a bit less difficult and dangerous than they were.

Over dinner, Cloud finally relaxed enough to talk, and assured his mother that he was eating, getting enough rest and not pushing himself too hard. She seemed concerned that Cloud wasn't friendly with many other Guards, but she smiled at Zack and expressed relief that her son had at least one good friend looking out for him. Cloud turned slightly pink, but said sincerely that Zack was the best thing that had happened to him since joining ShinRa, which he immediately regretted, because Zack's reaction to this was to hug Cloud so hard that he nearly pulled the boy out of the chair and into his lap.

When it was time to leave, Zack offered to let Cloud spend the night at home, but Cloud insisted on staying with his superior officers. Mrs. Strife kissed him and made him promise to try to come back before leaving the village, and she hugged Zack warmly and told him he was welcome any time. 

"Your mom's great, Spiky," Zack said as they walked the short distance to the inn.

Cloud smiled. "Yeah. You're gonna have to come visit again, or I'll never hear the end of it. She really likes you."

"I'd love to. Next time I get a mission near Gongaga, I can take you to meet my parents. I talk about you in my letters, so they're curious."

"...really? What do you say?"

"That I finally got the little brother I always wanted. That you're gonna be disarming me easily in another year or two." Zack grinned crazily, and grabbed Cloud into a headlock. "That you're my Spiky. Mine! Everyone else has to get their own!"

"You're insane," Cloud muttered, struggling free, but he was smiling.

When they reached the Nibelheim Inn, Zack had become more subdued and thoughtful, as worried as he had previously been cheerful. He followed Cloud into the bedroom and tried to pack up and hide away Private Jansen's things without Cloud noticing; he wasn't very successful. Everything relaxed and peaceful fell away from the boy's face, leaving behind a miserable expression and the beginnings of tears.

"Oh, Spiky, no. Listen to me, and believe me, because I have a lot more field experience than you. There was nothing we could have done."

"If I had reached for him - "

"He wasn't close enough."

"If I had said something - "

"There wasn't time."

"If I had gone back for him - "

"You'd have fallen too," Zack said quietly, "and I would be devastated."

He sat down next to Cloud on the latter's bed and held him, wordlessly encouraging Cloud to let himself cry. Cloud tried to hold back, telling himself that he was being childish, but Private Jansen's face kept floating to the front of his thoughts, and it was too much. He had hardly know Private Jansen - Kyle - but he had always been friendly to Cloud, even defended him from the taunts and harassment of the other Guards. Jansen had been a good fighter, and yet he had not died from battle but from ill fortune.

"His parents will have to be told," Cloud said dully, wiping his eyes.

"They will be. Want me to stay in here with you tonight?"

"No, I'm okay. Really. Besides..."

"Besides?"

Cloud shook his head.

"C'mon, Spiky," Zack urged him. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"That...that if the general comes back tonight," Cloud said quietly, "he'll need you more than I do."

__

scscscsc

The voice had softened and faded in Sephiroth's mind as the distance between himself and the reactor grew, and now it was almost gone, inaudible unless he looked for it.

Having frequented the same handful of places his entire twenty-four years of life, Sephiroth had observed that as he grew bigger, those places inevitably began to seem smaller. There were shelves in Hojo's laboratory he'd once been unable to reach, and now bent down to access. Hojo himself, once a giant, was now half a head shorter.

_And Ganzei...I would tower over Ganzei._

The ShinRa Mansion seemed to be an exception to this rule of perception. It lookd exactly the same as it did a decade ago, as mysterious and brooding as it had ever been. And still, though the mansion was a closet compared to the ShinRa Compound, it seemed immense, like it was too big to ever give up all of its secrets. It was unpleasant, to feel so small, but Sephiroth found himself drawn further inside, navigating the rooms and corridors with his inhuman memory.

There were answers here, there had to be. Sephiroth was trying to believe Zack and think that Hojo must have lied about his mother's name, but why? What did the doctor gain by such a lie? And if that creature in the specimen tank had no connection to Sephiroth, why was he drawn to it? Why was he so certain the voice belonged to it, to her?

He found his way to the study easily, and the adjoining library where he'd once devoured books at a speed that made Hojo laugh with delight. He could almost see his younger self among the shelves, the strange child with an angelic face and cold steel eyes, almost hear Ganzei encouraging him and making recommendations.

 _Ganzei loved me,_ Sephiroth was surprised to realize. It should have been obvious years ago, but it was a revelation. _Why did he care for me? The other doctors and assistants were afraid, Hojo felt nothing, I think...so why did Ganzei..._

The general shook his head. He was not here to reminisce, was he? He had come to look for information. Sephiroth selected a few books that seemed likely to be helpful and took a seat at the dusty desk.

The small stack of books and notebooks grew taller and taller as the night settled in and stretched on, and nothing of consequence was found. At last, in one of the volumes, Sephiroth found a mention of Jenova. It said only that she lived during the same period as the Cetra, but it was something...he was getting warmer...

The hours passed like minutes. The rooms were full of sunlight, then dim, as though night and day were fighting and neither could dominate the other for long. Feverishly, Sephiroth kept at the books, trying to fit the fragments he found together like puzzle pieces.

**...the Cetra certainly had contact with the specimen known as Jenova, though it is uncertain whether she was a Cetra herself, an ally or an enemy...**

**...since the discovery of Jenova during the excavation of a 2,000-year-old geological stratum, her remains have been undergoing study at the hands of ShinRa's chief scientist, Dr. Eguchi Hojo...**

**...Dr. Hojo has thus far declined to comment about the progress of his study and what, if anything, he has learned from the Jenova specimen. However, the eminent scientist and researcher Dr. Eguchi Ganzei has expressed an opinion that Jenova may have been purposely sealed in rock, either by the Cetra or the race that rose to replace the Cetra after their sudden and mysterious extinction. Dr. Ganzei has not put forth any theory as to why this might have been done.**

_The same name,_ Sephiroth thought, surprised. _Hojo and Ganzei had the same first name. A coincidence, no more. That isn't important. Mother...Mother must have been a Cetra, and I inherited their power through her. It must be, that is why I'm different._

This answer was an uneasy one; it felt full of holes. But it explained so much. Jenova had given birth to him, but she lived, for how else could she be calling to him? But if she lived still, she must have been alive when the usurpers of the Cetra imprisoned her in rock and left her in the planet...and then they destroyed the Ancients, her people.

 _My people, our people,_ Sephiroth thought furiously. His head felt like it was on fire. _Traitors...all of them are the descendants of traitors._

He picked up the book to move it onto the nearest pile, and as he did so a folded piece of paper fluttered out of it and landed on the desk. Sephiroth felt a strange and unpleasant fear of this harmless thing, but he opened it up and began to read, reluctantly.

**Dr. Hojo,**

**As you wished, I have left ShinRa and can stand in your way no more, not that I was ever able to deter you from anything. I am writing to you from the ShinRa Mansion in Nibelheim, where I've spent so many happy hours, but I don't plan to stay long. I am a liability to you and your work, and every day I expect to be found by ShinRa and eliminated. I accept this; I failed you. These will be my last words to you, however, so please listen.**

**Like you, I became a scientist because I wanted to have some part, some power, in the miracles of life. As I grew older, I became humbled by the wonders I observed, and came to realize that I am only a very small being in a great world. This is as it should be. Science oversteps its bounds when it stops trying to understand and seeks to interfere. I was wrong to help you in the research and experiments that led to SOLDIER. I know you disdained the thought of living in my shadow, and so threw off my name and took your mother's, but if she were alive, the dishonor you have brought to it would be fatal to her. She was the kindest woman I ever knew, and so I must believe it was I who made you the monster you have become. For this, I am sorry.**

**I write to you now for Sephiroth's sake. I stayed with you so long for him, in the vain hope that you would come to see him as more than a specimen. I love him, and I fear what he will become at your hands. I can do no more now, except hope. I implore you to remember, my son, what the boy is to both of us.**

**Dr. Eguchi Ganzei**

Sephiroth let the letter flutter to the floor. Ganzei's words had come too late to make any sense. Inside the general, a storm was raging, and he wasn't sure how long he could keep it contained, or whether he wanted to.

__

scscscsc

Sephiroth did not return to the Nibelheim Inn that night, or the next. Zack was worried, though he was doing his best not to show it. On the first day of the general's absence, late in the afternoon, he went to the mansion to see if everything was all right. He returned looking even more worried, reporting to Cloud that Sephiroth was researching something and had repeated his order not to be disturbed.

"Something's wrong, isn't it, Zack?"

"He's just like this sometimes. Don't worry."

Cloud had obviously not been sleeping well. Zack had been expecting this after the death of Private Jansen, and had resolved to keep Cloud occupied with more cheerful things. He made the boy give him a tour of the village and all the places that had meant something to him as a child - with both of them in uniform, so Cloud could keep his helmet on in case they encountered Tifa, or anyone who might tell Tifa about him. It was only in very secluded or private spots that Zack could convince Cloud to take it off, like on top of the water tower in the town square, which Zack had insisted they climb. 

"Great view," Zack commented, ruffling the blond's hair. "This is a neat little town you've got here, Spiky."

Cloud looked uneasy, and shook his head when Zack tried to make him sit down.

"You're not scared of heights, are you?"

"No. Tifa and I came up here, just before I left. I promised her that, after I became a SOLDIER, I would rescue her if she was ever in trouble."

"What's going on with you and her?" Zack asked gently, edging closer. "Were you guys..."

"No."

"Did she not want to? Did you?"

"Nothing like that. We weren't close at all until just before I left."

"What, then?"

Cloud looked at his boots. Zack had thought Cloud's timid manner and shyness was the result of being harassed and propositioned so much by other members of the Guard...now he began to realize he'd been wrong. The reticence and lack of self-esteem he saw in Cloud was only the continuation of a problem that had always been.

"I wanted to impress her. I wanted the other kids to know that I would be stronger than them someday. So I told them I was gonna be a SOLDIER and serve under General Sephiroth."

"And you will!" Zack said firmly. "If anything is holding you back from that, Spiky, it's how little you believe in yourself."

"Maybe. But I don't want Tifa to know I haven't become a SOLDIER. I don't want her to know I - "

"Don't you dare say 'failed'," Zack said, almost angrily. He grabbed Cloud around the shoulders and pulled him close. "You listen to me - if anyone, anyone, ever calls you a failure, you show him you're not with all the skill you've got. Believe me, he'll change his mind."

"Thank you, Zack," Cloud said softly.

"C'mon, kiddo. I want to see if your mom's meatloaf is as good as you say it is."

__

scscscsc

The third night was quiet and peaceful as it settled in, as nights usually were in Nibelheim. Seeing how tired Cloud was, Zack had insisted they return to the inn and retire early. Again declining Zack's offer to stay with him, the blond changed out of his uniform and climbed into the bed nearest the window.

He was tired, and knew he needed to sleep. Even his instructors in the Guard had impressed that upon him; they always said a soldier should be able to sleep whenever he had a chance to, because you never know when you might have to go without rest. Cloud had gotten good at that. It was only for fear of last night's dream returning that he hesitated to close his eyes. He had expected to dream about Kyle and the death he hadn't been able to prevent, but the nightmare had been something else entirely. There had been too much death in it to represent a single loss, and whatever it meant, Cloud didn't think he wanted to know.

Exhaustion and habit prevailed, however, as they tend to do, and Cloud sank into an uneasy slumber.

**To be continued.**


	5. Chapter 5

**NOT LIKE THIS  
Chapter 5**

 

Nibelheim was like a ghost town beneath the stars when Sephiroth left the ShinRa Mansion and stepped out into the chilly air. It was such an innocent sight, now that the traitors were hiding in their beds, ignorant in their dreams, believing themselves safe. Mother whispered that they all must die, all those who shared blood with the oppressors of the Cetra. But did that mean Zack too? And Cloud?

Sephiroth - whose body had been subjected to a thousand horrors at the hands of Hojo - had never felt so torn.

The fire persisted in his head, as though all the warmth in his blood had been diverted there, leaving the rest of his body as cold as the wind that swept down from the mountains. The great ShinRa general, the brilliant strategist with the inhuman I.Q., had been reduced to a handful of primal desires, and they were what drove him now. He wanted to take the flames in his mind and set them on the quaint buildings around him, burn the traitors in their beds. He wanted to please Mother, who persisted in him more strongly than ever, feeding on him and poisoning him all at once. There was just one thing he wanted more.

_Then take it, my son. What you desire is yours, all the planet will be ours. Take what you want, and then come to me._

"Yes, Mother," Sephiroth whispered.

The man at the front desk was snoring and did not stir as Sephiroth entered the inn and began to climb the stairs. There were no other guests, and nothing short of being shaken could wake Zack unless he was sleeping outdoors, but it was effortless for Sephiroth to move silently, so he did. The walls were thick here - an offering of privacy to the customers, no doubt - and this courtesy would serve the general better, perhaps, than it had anyone else.

Passing Zack's door, Sephiroth stopped to listen, and his superior hearing detected the sound of soft snores. Satisfied, he proceeded to the room assigned to the Guards, and opened it with a predatory smile.

What he saw puzzled him. The light of a full moon shone through the window and held Private Strife in its eerie white glow, at the same time embracing him and wrapping him like a ribbon around a gift. As Sephiroth watched, the boy tossed and turned with increasing violence, kicking the blankets away in his struggle. He was wearing a plain white T-shirt and navy boxer shorts. Sephiroth had never seen him in so little, and he hardened to a full erection at the sight.

Slowly approaching, the general was able to examine Cloud's face closely. As delicately beautiful as he remembered, the most flawless porcelain, but the expression was pained, and the cheeks wet with tears.

"No," the boy was weeping. "Please, no, please..."

 _What could he be protesting,_ Sephiroth wondered. The unwelcome attentions Zack had spoken of? That seemed the most likely explanation, and yet, Cloud was moving restlessly, not in a panic, not fighting. Sephiroth could easily imagine a large, dim-witted Guard overpowering the boy, and Cloud frozen with horror and pain, crying and pleading but knowing to struggle would be futile. Hypocritical as his anger was, the general felt his blood boil.

Placing his hands on the blond's shoulders, Sephiroth shook him firmly. "Strife, wake up. It's all right."

Cloud's eyes flew open, confused by what they saw. He sat up and shrank back against the headboard, breathing heavily until he had calmed and understood what happened.

"General...sir...I apologize."

"You've done nothing wrong, Private," Sephiroth said softly. His voice was strange, like something wild in it was being controlled, just barely. "You were dreaming."

"Y-yes, sir. A nightmare."

"I have them too, from time to time."

Cloud's eyes widened. They were the innocent blue of warm tropical water, and needed no mako to make them bright.

"You, sir? What could scare you?"

"They have not frightened me for many years. They show me fields of battle that cover the whole world, and the blood of every living thing spilled. A fiery darkness comes down from the sky, and the planet cracks in two and the halves are flung into a void beyond space."

The words and the flat affect of Sephiroth's voice disturbed Cloud, and he shrank back a bit further. The general saw this, and something in his blank expression softened. When he spoke again, it was in a gentler voice.

"What did you dream?"

Shifting, Cloud looked down. "I...I dreamed there was something evil in the reactor. Zack went to fight it, and then I couldn't find him. There was fire everywhere, all Nibelheim was burning."

"And where was I?"

"I...I think you were dead, sir."

A hand gloved in black leather touched Cloud's cheek, cupping his face with surprising gentleness. Cloud looked up, hoping his face wasn't as hot as it felt, and found the general looking at him with an intense but otherwise indescribable expression.

"As you can see, I am alive. Therefore, it was just a dream."

"Yes, sir." It may have been the boy's imagination, but it seemed to him that Sephiroth only reluctantly drew his hand back. "Sir, forgive me if it's not my place to ask, but...are you all right? We've - Zack's been worried."

Sephiroth smiled; there was something unstable in the way he did it. Had his eyes always been that poisonous green color, Cloud wondered, he could've sworn they had been silver.

"What do you think I am, Strife?"

"Sir? I don't - "

"Do you think I am a man like other men?"

"N-no, sir. You're Sephiroth. You're...more."

"Yes," Sephiroth said, "I have always known I was destined for something special. Mother has made it clear to me at last."

"Sir?"

"The blood of her jailers thrives and populates the planet she was meant to rule. She demands it be spilled. And I am her sword."

"S-sir," Cloud whispered, trembling, drawing back. Zack, his brain was ordering him, get Zack, he'll know what to do, but what if - 

"Ssh..."

Both hands cupped his face now, but Sephiroth had removed his gloves, and the cool white skin made Cloud shiver. The boy cursed himself for the barely-audible gasp he let out, ashamed that he could be thinking of his attraction to the general at a time like this. But the hands were caressing him like those of a lover; the thumbs even brushed over his lips, and the way Sephiroth was looking at him, unblinking and hungry...

"Ssh, I won't hurt you," Sephiroth was saying. "Though part of me wants to. To make you whimper and wring tears out of those lovely eyes. I want to hold you down and make you thrash beneath me."

One of his hands slid quickly to Cloud's side, pushing beneath the T-shirt and stroking his waist and hip firmly, urgently. Cloud turned his face into the hand that remained, trying to stifle the frightened and aroused noise he made, but Sephiroth felt it escape into his palm.

"Don't be afraid. That's only part of me. I don't understand it, but I want to be careful with you. I want to hold you close to me and keep you from breaking."

Cloud would have pinched himself to bruising if he could've moved. Sephiroth's breathing was heavy, enough to be audible, and lust was swirling in the dense green of his eyes. Kindness was there too, but it flickered, alternating with something monstrous and dark.

"Mother commands it. I must kill them all...must hurt them as they hurt her and the Cetra..."

Cloud's eyes widened and he tried to speak, but as soon as his lips parted Sephiroth pushed his thumb between them. The other fingers held his jaw still, preventing escape, and there was something meaningful in the movement of the thumb, the way it thrust in and out of the boy's mouth, making him take a little more of the long digit each time. The other hand remained inside Cloud's shirt but ascended without warning, and the fingers were rubbing one of his nipples - roughly, too much friction against a sensitive spot.

"Mmph," Cloud moaned, his pink lips forming a loose 'O' around the invading thumb, sucking it instinctively. "Mmph..."

Helpless for the moment against such stimulation, Cloud's head tilted slightly, and his back arched. Sephiroth took advantage of the distraction to maneuver Cloud into a reclining position against the pillows and headboard, nearly growling with desire as he plundered the boy's pretty mouth. The other thumb was moving so fast on the nipple, generating such heat, that it must have been causing pain or at least soreness. But Cloud continued to moan breathlessly, and his eyes were nearly closed, the lids fluttering.

"Yes," Sephiroth hissed, "you're mine, only mine. Mother can have the blood of all the others, but you belong to me."

This seemed to wake Cloud up. His eyes opened, he blinked to try to clear the haze of pleasure from them, and he turned his head, trying to pull off of the insistent thumb. Sephiroth followed his movements and continued to force the finger into his mouth, until it was plain that Cloud wouldn't stop resisting. To avoid choking the boy, the general reluctantly withdrew his hand, though he left the other where it was as Cloud sat up.

"Sir," he gasped, "please - "

"What is it?" Sephiroth placed both hands on either side of Cloud's waist, folding the fabric of the T-shirt up to reveal the stomach. He couldn't get enough of this little waist, this soft white skin.

"Sir, who are you going to hurt?"

The general nodded toward the window. "Them. All of them. For Mother."

Cloud's eyes widened in horror. With a whimper that made Sephiroth smile, Cloud grabbed his hands at the wrist - not to stop them, he knew he'd never be able to, but to hold them. The tears Sephiroth had wanted flooded the boy's pretty eyes, and half of Sephiroth shuddered with need. He shrugged the smaller hands off easily and gripped Cloud's wrists, not too tightly, staring with fascination as the boy's chin quivered and he struggled to speak.

The kinder half, the one Mother had no use for, wanted to draw Cloud into his embrace, to rock him as he himself had never been rocked. _There will be time._

"Please, sir. This is my home. My mother is here, and Zack. They never did anything to you, they don't know anything about the Cetra or your mother. If you need to hurt someone, please...hurt me. Not them."

"You offer yourself in the traitor's place?" Sephiroth slowly pulled Cloud a little closer. "Mother's voice is calling on me to paint this village with their blood. What would you give to make me disobey her?"

"Anything," Cloud whispered, the word nearly breaking with emotion.

Sephiroth's eyes flashed silver. For a moment, he looked confused.

"Zack protected you. Did he protect you well enough?"

"Sir? I don't - "

"Have you ever been fucked, Cloud?"

Even with so many conflicting emotions at work, the boy was embarassed enough to turn pink. Sephiroth understood and was unsurprised, but Cloud answered anyway.

"N-no..."

"I will try to be gentle, but it will hurt a little. And I won't do it only once. You will be at my side forever, be mine completely, and I will kill anyone who tries to take you from me."

Sephiroth slipped one arm around Cloud's waist and pulled him forward until they were only a couple inches between them. His hand dove beneath the waistband of the blue shorts, and fingertips gently parted the smooth cheeks. One finger pressed between them, lingering like a ghost at the entrance, and Cloud tensed, resting his forehead on the general's chest to hide his face.

The heat was so near...but, as irresistable as it was, Sephiroth would not breach him yet, not unprepared. A weapon-maintenace kit lay on the nightstand, within reach...it was easy enough to take the vial of oil from it and pour some onto his hand, he didn't even have to get up. Save for trembling, Cloud didn't move, though he gasped when the fingers returned to their place, wet and slick now, and he let out a soft cry as one began to push inside.

The heat engulfed his finger, and Sephiroth moaned into Cloud's hair. He was the first to enter this exquisite world, and already determined that he would be the only. The inside of Cloud, the opposite of the boy's exterior, but no less perfect, and so tight, it was a struggle to move slowly and yet there was no other way to do it. The tension of muscles and the narrow passage fought Sephiroth's intrusion like an internal Zack, guarding Cloud's virtue from all who wanted to take it. A puppy, Angeal had called Zack, and the puppy had grown into a watchdog, but Zack didn't exist right now. Nothing did but Sephiroth, and the body that lay against his chest, gripping his coat.

Yes, as willing as Cloud pretended to be, his body tried to defend against the intruder. But Sephiroth was a general, after all, a brilliant military strategist, and he could spot weakness in the defenses of any fortress. There was something here that would make Cloud open to him, and he probed for it gently, holding the boy to him with his other arm.

"Ah!" Cloud convulsed suddenly, and he was breathing now in shallow sobs, pushing back against the finger that found that spot again. "Mmph!"

Sephiroth smiled. There it was. He withdrew, and made the same assault again, and Cloud's body tensed and relaxed like a single muscle. Two fingers hit the target now, and the passage stretched to accomodate them. He never stopped the pressure on the prostate for long, but moved the fingers back and forth too, opened them in a scissor-motion, drove them slowly deeper, wondering how far they could go. For the first time, Sephiroth thought he understood Ganzei's philosophical love for all the mysteries of existence. Life was not the creatures created by Hojo's arrogance, life was this, this quivering bundle of stimulated nerves panting against his shoulder.

Three fingers, and Cloud tensed. There was a quiet noise of discomfort.

"It's all right," Sephiroth whispered. "Just relax."

He bowed his head and pressed his lips to the warm skin of Cloud's neck. The T-shirt was loose and didn't get in the way too much, but the clothes would have to go, as soon as they could be discarded without distracting Cloud from the pleasure he was feeling. Of the three fingers, one stimulated the prostate and two focused on slicking and stretching the clenching walls. The boy eased his hips back to meet them, pushing the intruders further; he hardly seemed to notice when a fourth entered.

"Gai...a," he gasped.

"We've only just begun," Sephiroth whispered in his ear, sending a shiver through his body.

He withdrew slowly, smiling at the moan of protest this prompted, and drew Cloud back from him a little. The boy was flushed a faint pink, his eyelids drooping, his lips slightly parted. Sephiroth maneuvered him down to lay on the bed and slipped the rumpled T-shirt off, tossing it aside. Cloud readily allowed this, but edged away when a move was made to remove his shorts; he would have rolled or slid out of reach if hands hadn't been holding his hips.

"Still shy. But I will see you, all of you."

Cloud saw it was useless to fight and merely squeezed his eyes shut. Sephiroth yanked the shorts off, more quickly and with more force than he'd intended, and saw the reason Cloud had objected to being undressed completely - he was hard. The general laughed - softly, without mocking - and grabbed Cloud's hands before he could cover himself.

"Good," Sephiroth whispered, "very good. Your body already knows to whom it belongs." He purposely avoided the most sensitive area for the moment and explored the rest with his hands - Cloud's face, legs, chest, stomach. "So beautiful."

Cloud opened his eyes and stared up at the general, able to feel a little wonder and confusion with his fear. Sephiroth thought he was beautiful? A lot of men called him that, usually just before suggesting something embarassing or touching him, and their opinions didn't matter. But Sephiroth, his idol, his stupid childhood crush evolved into a stupid adolescent crush, the angel among men who made his heart pound...

...like it was doing now. Sephiroth leaned down and pressed his ear to Cloud's chest, and the faint, rapid thump-thump-thump brought a peaceful smile to his face. It reminded Cloud of when he was eleven and Mrs. Ku next door had her first child; she held the baby so its head was close to her heartbeat because, she said, it soothes them. Sephiroth seemed calm now...maybe the pounding of Cloud's heart was drowning out the voice of the mother he spoke of. He didn't give himself long to enjoy it, merely rubbed his hand in circles over Cloud's stomach for a few moments before sitting up.

Cloud bit his lower lip and made no sign of a struggle as Sephiroth parted his legs. This seemed to please the general.

"You are like a doll I can move however I want. A puppet. My pretty puppet."

The hand, still wet with traces of oil, closed around Cloud's erection. Sephiroth anticipated a cry that might have woken even Zack and swallowed it, covering Cloud's mouth with his own and lapping up the moans with his tongue. He was close, he was young, and it was over in only a few strokes. The arch, the spasm, and Sephiroth whispered "Good puppet" into Cloud's mouth as his hand mopped up the semen and spread it on his own stiff member.

Cloud didn't open his eyes again until Sephiroth's weight was on top of him, and his legs were pushed against his chest and hooked over the general's shoulders.

"Relax, Puppet." Hands where Cloud had never allowed hands before, spreading him apart. The air was cooler than Sephiroth's skin. "Open for me. Open for your god."

Even just the head of it felt too big as it nudged in. Cloud made a terrified, pitiful noise and arched upward, an unconscious attempt to escape; the general guided him back gently and held him still. Cloud's hands found Sephiroth's and clutched at them, seeking only comfort now, and Sephiroth felt something, not as violent as jealousy and not as weak as mercy - it was soft and protective. His eyes were silver, but it was he, after all, who wanted this, Jenova or no Jenova.

"It won't hurt for long." Sephiroth could almost hear Angeal's voice in the reassurance, stern Angeal, the only one Sephiroth had allowed to do this to him. "Try not to tense and it will be easier."

The boy didn't seem very reassured, though he did make the attempt to relax. Sephiroth couldn't wait any longer. He pressed forward as slowly as he could make himself go; the heat that gripped him was the single most perfect thing he had ever felt. Explosions of pleasure were repeating in every nerve of his body, and Cloud's defenses were crumbling before his onslaught, the tight passage slowly yielded to the slick invader that stretched it.

Cloud opened his mouth as the general penetrated him, but nothing but a soft croak came out. It hurt, it hurt, it felt like he was being torn down the middle, but there was a strange satisfaction in being filled. Like the pain of a splinter being drawn, it was a kind of relief, and this was Sephiroth. That thought came just as Sephiroth pushed against the spot that had felt so good earlier, and Cloud breathed out in a needy moan. Forgetting the pain for a moment, he matched the slow thrust that came, forcing Sephiroth suddenly deeper.

"Ah!" Cloud shut his eyes, afraid to let Sephiroth see him cry. A hand touched his face and he nuzzled it, trying to hide. The fingers wiped at his tears, then ascended to pet the mussed blond spikes.

Once he was nearly all the way in, Sephiroth stopped, to give Cloud a little time to adjust. He leaned down so his face was just above the boy's and whispered his name. Cloud looked at him and offered a brave, trembling smile. The general's eyes weren't that eerie green color anymore, and though Cloud didn't know what that meant, it had to be something good. Sephiroth looked more...himself, the surprisingly kind man who threatened Zack with laps to calm Cloud down the day they had met. The avenging angel who spoke of blood and Mother seemed to be gone now, and the angel of Cloud's fantasies was here, thinking him beautiful, moving in to kiss him.

Cloud opened his mouth and accepted Sephiroth's tongue eagerly, grabbing at Sephiroth's coat and the belts he wore across his chest until he shrugged them off. He grasped Sephiroth's shoulders and pulled him closer, wanting more of that skin against him, not caring that the angle was uncomfortable. Sephiroth kissed him until he was gasping and dizzy and they had to pull apart to breathe.

"Please," Cloud whispered, "please - "

"Mine," Sephiroth said, but softly, the voice more longing than insisting.

"Yes..."

The first thrust electrified Cloud like a bolt of lightning. Every inch of his body was like that place inside that Sephiroth was aiming for. The touch of the air and Sephiroth's hands was good, almost too good, and Cloud felt he would explode any minute, unable to contain this terrifying joy. Sephiroth was panting - it was strange to see him show any sign of exertion - and moaning too. It would seem he was feeling the same as Cloud, and struggling to not pound away at the boy without mercy and hurt him, though he had confessed to wanting to. This must be the part of Sephiroth that wished to keep Cloud from breaking, though he was straining him near to it.

The general felt himself smiling between breaths, smiles that were wider and more genuine than they had ever been before. This was nothing at all like the 1st Class SOLDIERs he had experimented (though he hated that word) with, nothing like the touches of older boys he used to allow when he was trying to understand the body's response to such things. Those others had been careful with him or rough, it didn't matter, there had always been pleasure in it, and beyond that it had never meant anything. But this...there had to be great meaning in this, the most powerful pleasure Sephiroth had ever felt, the sense of belonging somewhere at last, the connection with another person he had believed himself incapable of.

All too soon, the rush was building, and Sephiroth knew he couldn't hold out much longer. Cloud seemed to be feeling it too; he was moving his hips eagerly, pushing his own hardness against the general's stomach. Sephiroth sped up his thrusts, sliding deeper and more forcefully than ever into Cloud, and the boy cried out, but not in protest.

The release came for both at nearly the same time. Cloud came against the friction of Sephiroth's taut stomach, and the sweet noises he made and the contraction of his insides ripped from Sephiroth an orgasm so shattering and intense that he was surprised to survive it. He surged forward, shoving his hands beneath Cloud so urgently that the boy whimpered, and lifted him just enough to get his arms around Cloud, to hold him tightly. As they both came down and began to breathe again, Sephiroth kissed every bit of skin his lips could reach. He could feel Cloud slowly, unwillingly begin to fall asleep - the hands on his shoulders loosened their grip and finally fell away - but continued until the happy little sighs gave way to soft, peaceful breathing.

_Come to me now, my son._

With an emotion that might have been despair, Sephiroth carefully pulled out of Cloud. Robotically he stood up and put his belts and coat back on, refastened his pants and strapped on the sheath that held Masamune. Cloud had hardly stirred since falling asleep and slumbered with a content look on his face, unaware of the blood that spotted the sheets and that he had given it in vain. Sephiroth watched him painfully, then the poisonous green reclaimed his eyes and his expression became neutral.

_Come, my son, do your work and come to me. The SOLDIER will follow you, and he will bring the boy with him. If the SOLDIER agrees to obey you he too may live, and if not, you will kill him, and no one will stand between you and the boy._

"Yes, Mother," Sephiroth whispered. 

The images from his adolescent nightmares came back to him, a world red with the blood of the traitors, the planet as Mother wished it to be. He left quietly, Masamune in hand. Outside, the moon was full, and even someone who - unlike Sephiroth - couldn't see in the dark would have no trouble navigating. The sleepy village would soon be even brighter.

Cloud slept on beneath the blankets Sephiroth had draped over him. His stillness and steady respiration were strange, considering that his earlier bad dream returned after a short time - the flickering orange light of fire, the cries of his childhood neighbors. Then again, maybe there was a reason for the faint smile on that sweet, tired face. In his dreams, Cloud had somehow intuited beforehand the havoc Sephiroth would wreak in his hometown. Maybe, by some other sense, the boy was comforted by the knowledge that he would have saved Sephiroth, if anything could.

**To be continued.**


	6. Chapter 6

**NOT LIKE THIS  
Chapter 6**

 

_Can't be happening, this can't be happening. No, have to stay calm, have to hold it together. I can't be Angeal's puppy now, not when I have my own to protect._

Zack ran back up the stairs of the inn, the only building the fire wasn't touching, and hurried into the bedroom. Cloud was asleep, and Zack's heart clenched at the thought of waking him with such awful news. But it had to be done.

"Spiky. Cloud, I need you to wake up." Zack began to pull the blankets away as the boy stirred, and was startled to see that Cloud was naked. Cloud had never struck him as the type to sleep nude, he was much too shy.

Thinking the cool air might wake his young friend quicker, Zack pulled the blankets off entirely. Cloud shivered and started to blink, and shifted his position on the bed. As he did, a few spots of red on the mattress cover caught Zack's eye. Blood? Had to be, but why was there blood on Cloud's bed?

Zack's face, already pale in the moonlight, went white with horror. By all reports, Sephiroth had gone insane. Cloud was naked in his bed. There was blood on the sheets.

"Oh, Gaia, no."

"Zack?" Cloud sat up, blinking sleep out of his eyes. He blushed to remember his nudity and pulled a blanket over his lap. "What's wrong?"

Zack horrified was worse than Sephiroth angry. The friendly, open face, usually laughing and smiling, was rigid with an expression that frightened Cloud. Zack looked like he wanted both to cry and to make someone pay. But for what?

"Z-Zack?"

Somehow, Zack found his voice. "It's okay, Spiky, I know what happened. Are you in pain?"

Cloud's face flushed red, and he refused to meet Zack's eyes. "A little. I'm okay."

Even before he answered, Zack was pressing a Hi-Potion into his hands. Cloud thought that was kind of extreme for some soreness and maybe a tiny bit of tearing, but Zack's expression told him not to argue, so he drank it down.

"Baby, I need you to get dressed as quickly as you can, all right?"

Now Cloud was really worried. Zack only called him "baby" when something was wrong, and though his voice was gentle it was also urgent. Cloud jumped up and grabbed his uniform, putting it on as fast as he could go.

"Spiky, we've got a serious situation going on. I know you can't possibly be ready to deal with any more awful stuff, but we don't get to choose these things," Zack said sadly. "When this is over, we're gonna talk about what happened to you and we're gonna get you through it. I swear."

Cloud looked up from tying his boots, confused and embarassed. "I told you, it only hurt a little. I know you think I'm too young for that stuff, but...it was really nice."

"Wait, what?" It was Zack's turn to be perplexed. "You mean Sephiroth didn't rape you?"

"What? No, he...he was pushy, I guess, but I wanted him too. Where is the general, anyway? You could ask him if you don't believe me."

Zack breathed a heavy sigh of relief, though his face remained anxious. "Thank Gaia."

"What's going on?"

The SOLDIER waited till Cloud stood up and took him by the shoulders. "Spiky, we're gonna go through something really hard now. I need you to promise me you'll follow my orders and not risk your own safety. We'll deal with what's happening and grieve later, okay?"

"Okay, just tell me what's wrong!"

"Something's wrong with Sephiroth, Spiky, he's snapped. He set fire to almost every building in town and left in the direction of the reactor."

"What? He couldn't..." Cloud turned his head to look at the window and recognized the flickering orange light from his dreams. "No, no, he said he wouldn't...Gaia, my mom! I have to find my mom!"

Zack held his arms to keep him still, and there were traces of tears in the SOLDIER's pale mako eyes. "Baby, I checked on her already. She's gone. I'm so sorry." He saw no reason to add that she had been killed with a sword, not by the fire.

"No." Cloud's face seemed to break like the head of a porcelain doll, and the fragments rejoined in an expression of anguish that was terrible to see. "No, _please_..."

Zack pulled him into a crushing hug. "I'm sorry, Spiky. But we can't mourn yet, we gotta stop Sephiroth before he hurts anyone else, right?"

"Sephiroth did this," Cloud said in a dull, distant voice.

"I need you with me, okay?" Zack felt Cloud nod and drew back, first placing a kiss on the boy's head. "Okay. You stay close to me."

Cloud nodded again, and let Zack take his hand and lead him down to the town square below. He looked around, feeling strangely numb as he watched his hometown burn around him. It felt so warm, and it was so rarely warm in Nibelheim. And quiet, too quiet even for a tiny village. How many of these people were ghosts now, and why weren't the rest screaming?

"Hey, old guy!" Zack was pulling him gently toward two smoke-veiled figures that crouched beside a wall, a middle-aged man supporting a younger one. "Are you all right?"

"You!" the elder said warily. "You better be sane!"

"Who could be, at a time like this? Did you see Sephiroth?"

"I know they call him a hero, but he's nothing more than a maniac. What did we ever do to ShinRa, or him? What did she ever do to him?"

"What? Who?"

"Athena Strife, he went after her first, shouting something about his property. We tried to stop him, and...you see the result."

Cloud moaned softly and swayed on his feet; Zack held him steady and tried to think quickly. He had to stop Sephiroth, but he couldn't bring Cloud with him, not at the risk of becoming injured and being unable to protect Cloud. Every option he considered seemed no better than the others, so Zack took his own advice - _Don't think, feel_ \- and felt that, whatever happened, Sephiroth and Cloud must be kept apart.

"Spiky, you stay here. Get these two and any other survivors you can find out the front entrance and start heading east. I'll follow as soon as I can."

"But Zack - "

"I promise we'll see each other again. Just do what I tell you, okay? I can handle Sephiroth."

"Oh, and Tifa!" the man said suddenly. "Tifa went after him. You've got to help her."

"No, not Tifa too," Cloud whispered.

"I'll help Tifa. Get going, all of you."

Zack squeezed Cloud's hand for a moment, then he was gone, darting through the firelight with the ease and lightness of a shadow. Cloud stood up straight, finding bravery in a place deep inside that he had never before been hurt enough to need. It was a feeling stronger than the life that immediately followed Private Jansen's death, but similar, the deep breath that comes before the plunge of grief.

The middle-aged man (Zangan, Cloud's memory reminded him) spoke before he could. "We looked, there are no other survivors."

_Do not cry, don't you dare cry, you told them all you'd be a SOLDIER and SOLDIERs don't cry._

"Can you both walk?"

"Yes." Zangan was studying him, maybe trying to see past the helmet. "We can get out on our own. It's okay, you go with your friend."

Cloud hesitated. It would be disobeying an order (Maybe Zack's last order, a terrible voice sneered at him) but orders were nothing in a world with his mother dead and his hero responsible for it. He couldn't let Zack do this alone, not Zack who had always protected him, who had taken all Cloud's enemies as his own. If it came to a choice there wasn't one at all, he would not let Sephiroth hurt Zack, he would avenge all these dead faces he had been hiding from.

"Are you sure, sir?"

"Go help your friend and save Tifa, Cloud." The private froze, and Zangan smiled tightly. "We're proud of you. Your mother would be proud of you."

__

scscscsc

The night had become so like the dreams - Mother's will making itself known at last, demanding the blood of her oppressors - and as in dreams, time itself seemed to distort, to twist and loop and bend back upon itself. As far as Sephiroth could remember, he had come straight here after setting the fires in Nibelheim, but that seemed so long ago. Now he faced Mother at last, ready to free her from her latest prison, and something fluttered in his left hand, one last distraction.

He saw, with vague puzzlement, that it was Ganzei's letter. When had he retrieved this, and why? "I implore you to remember, my son, what the boy is to both of us." What had Ganzei been to Sephiroth? A mystery more than anything else, a man who hugged him though he knew he'd get no response, who had tried to teach him about trees and flowers and other unessential matters, who had seemed proud of him no matter how well he did. Ganzei had cared, for whatever reason, but he had also let Mother be locked away and hidden, so what did his love matter?

_It does not matter._

"Mother." Sephiroth smiled. "I've come to free you."

"Sephiroth!"

"Mother, the traitors are coming."

"Sephiroth, what are you doing? Why did you hurt Tifa and the villagers? Sephiroth, answer me!"

"I know who I am now, Zack. Mother has shown me. Mother was supposed to be the ruler of this planet with her power and wisdom. But...the ones like you...they took it away from her. Didn't they, Mother?"

"Seph." Zack's voice became a little calmer. "Something's wrong with you. You're not yourself. Let me help, okay? No one else has to be hurt."

"They all must die. But you don't have to. Serve me, and Mother, and I will spare you."

"Seph, that thing is doing something to you! Don't listen to it!"

"Do not speak of Mother with such disrespect. Kneel and I will forgive you."

"Gaia. You're not the Sephiroth I used to know at all. I'm sorry, Seph. I have to stop you."

Sephiroth smiled. His reflection overlaid Jenova's face and made their resemblance all the more striking. "As you wish. Where is Cloud?"

"You're never getting near him again."

Sephiroth turned to face his accuser at last, glaring with cold menace. "You cannot hide him from me. He is mine."

"You've hurt him enough," Zack growled, holding his Buster Sword at the ready. "How could you? He just wanted to be like you!"

"No one is like me. I am different. Remember? Now bring Cloud to me."

"You think he'd actually want anything to do with you after what you've done?"

"You," Sephiroth hissed, slowly drawing Masamune. "You've turned him against me."

"No, Seph. You did that. You want Cloud, you're gonna have to step over my dead body to get to him."

"Then that is precisely what I will do."

__

scscscsc

Cloud gently set Tifa down against one of the storage tanks, wishing desperately that he had brought a Restore materia or even a single Potion. She was alive but unconscious, and though he couldn't tell how badly she was hurt, he didn't have much hope. Cloud had disobeyed Zack to try to keep his promise to Tifa, and he had failed to do so. Just as Sephiroth had broken his agreement to spare Nibelheim.

Sephiroth. Cloud stood up, tears burning his eyes, and walked on. I have to help stop him, Zack needs me.

Cloud's lightness and size worked in his favor at last. He made no sound at all as he entered the main room and saw Sephiroth absorbed in the top-most specimen container. Zack's Buster Sword was there in plain view, but Zack was nowhere in sight. He could be just hurt somewhere, or he could be - 

A fury unlike anything Cloud had ever felt lit up his insides. Sephiroth could not have killed Zack, and if he had, Zack would be the last one he ever hurt. He took the large weapon in hand, hardly feeling its weight.

"At last we meet," Sephiroth was saying, pressing his hands against the glass. "Mother."

 _Crack!_ The image of Jenova's face was distorted suddenly, and with the distortion came a wrenching pain in Sephiroth's midsection. The Buster Sword had run him through and pinned him to the breaking glass. If not Zack, then - 

"Who..."

"Give back my mother, and Zack, and Tifa, and my village!"

Painfully, grotesquely, Sephiroth smiled. "There...you are. Puppet."

"I looked up to you, I admired you! I lov- "

The last word faded into a sob, and the blade withdrew. Sephiroth slid down the fractured glass surface, pressing one hand against the wound in his front, staring at the reflection that turned and rushed away. He heard a cry of "Zack! Tifa..." and felt his strength return, enough to stand.

"Oh, no. Not Zack's. Not Tifa's. _Mine_."

__

scscscsc

Zack knew Cloud couldn't see him in the shadows of all this machinery, and he made no sound, only watched with a faint smile as Cloud hurried back to Tifa. He didn't try to hear their words either; it was enough that Cloud had taken off his helmet to speak to her, and that he had brought the Buster Sword with him. True, Cloud was no match for the general, but Sephiroth was injured...he didn't want to kill Cloud...and reinforcements were no doubt on the way. Zack had never in his life wished so much for the sight of a Turk.

_Just hang on, Spiky, please hang on._

A crash came from the next room, and Sephiroth came in, his movements slowed and unsteady. Tifa had fallen unconscious again, but Cloud looked up, and Zack could see the fury in his eyes. Sephiroth held Masamune in his right hand and Jenova's head in his left, and crushed a folded sheet of paper, unnoticed, beneath his feet as he entered. His voice was chilling, cold with a malevolence far older than himself.

"That was very bad, Puppet. Come to me now, and I will forgive you."

"I'll never forgive you!" Cloud shouted, standing and holding the Buster Sword up. "And I won't let you hurt anyone else!" 

"They all try to take you from me. They all must die."

"No! You've taken enough from me. It ends now. One of us dies."

 _No!_ Zack wanted to shout, to draw Sephiroth's attention away, but he couldn't make a sound. The air was growing cold. _No, no, I have to protect him, like Angeal protected me..._

Sephiroth smiled insanely. His eyes were a bright green visible from anywhere in this vast room. "You're mine. If I kill you, if you kill me, you're still mine."

"SEPHIROTH!"

Cloud charged up the stairs to the open doorway, brandishing the Buster Sword, feeling, not thinking. Sephiroth blocked the clumsy swing easily, shoving Cloud across the floor, where he lay, stunned.

"Bad puppet." Masamune's point traced the outline of the boy's body with razor precision. "I wanted to be gentle. Come with me, Puppet, or you will be alone. You don't want to be alone, do you? People don't like that."

"I'd rather be alone than with you! Zack - "

"Zack is dead," Sephiroth taunted. "Would you still rather be with him?"

 _No!_ Zack tried to yell, but he couldn't make more than whisper. Spiky, don't listen, just don't make him mad, help is on the way...

Cloud's blue eyes were burning, as bright from rage as Zack's were from mako. He had no choice but to believe Sephiroth, and that meant everything he loved was gone, and survival meant nothing now but hurting.

"Fuck you, and fuck your mother."

The ache in his heart was so powerful that Cloud hardly felt the wound in his stomach. His feet lifted off the ground, and the pressure of the sword holding him was greater than the pain. There was nothing of Sephiroth, now, in the poison-green eyes that held Cloud in their cold light, nothing of Sephiroth in the angelic face twisted by madness. Sephiroth hadn't done this, the Thing whose head he carried did, and Cloud found an unexpected burst of strength in that. This Thing had destroyed Sephiroth too - another loss to avenge -  
and it was to the Thing that Cloud spoke.

"Give them back...give them all back!"

The eyes of Jenova's puppet widened. What was the boy doing? He should be dying, the only thing humans were good at, and instead of writhing in death throes on the sword, he was gripping it, pulling himself back toward the ground. He couldn't be...but this weak little boy was shifting their positions, pushing Sephiroth into the air, sending him flying into the wall.

Jenova had not expected this, and quickly her ancient will decided to retreat. In the soothing tone of a mother, she called her son to the edge of the platform, to the condensed Lifestream that surged below. There Sephiroth could recover, there she could dream a plan to make the planet tremble. The child who weakly stumbled away would surely die, surely grow no stronger.

Because if he did...

__

scscscsc

Zack tried to crawl to the stairs, tried to shout, only giving up and laying still at last to conserve his strength. Cloud was up there, and he was all right, he had to be, but Zack couldn't see him or move any further, so all he could do was wait.

It was only a few minutes, but it felt like a lifetime before the young private appeared at the top of the steps. He was unsteady, clutching his stomach, and looked like he was about to faint any moment. Before Zack realized what he was doing, he had found a reserve of power somewhere and was dragging himself across the floor with his fingertips. If he could just get to Cloud...but everything was going fuzzy.

"Spiky," Zack whispered, grabbing the bottom step, "I'm coming."

Cloud saw him. His mouth fell open and curved into a pained smile, tears were dripping from his eyes. He could walk no further, but fell to his knees and began to crawl down the stairs.

"Zack! He said - "

"I'm all right, we're gonna be all right, just stay still..."

But Cloud pushed himself on until they were almost an arm-length apart. Just as Zack reached for him, trying to catch his breath enough for a joke or a scolding, Cloud's eyes rolled back into his head - for an absurd instant Zack thought of a blue sky suddenly overcast - and the boy slumped against the stairs and went still. Zack's heart began to pound, assuring him he was still alive and mocking him for it at the same time.

"No! No!" Only now could the SOLDIER speak above a whisper, now, when no one seemed able to hear. "Spiky, no - "

The whole world was fading, but somehow he pulled himself two steps higher, close enough to lay his fingers on Cloud's head and the soft blond spikes he had ruffled a hundred times. A wave of relief washed over Zack as he felt Cloud still breathing, but the emotion drained the last of his strength, and the darkness swallowed everything.

Minutes or hours later - impossible to tell which - Zack woke to half-consciousness and the sense of something soft and firm beneath him. A stretcher? There were faces above him, speaking to one another faintly, but Zack wouldn't look away from the other stretcher he spied about ten feet away. _Cloud!_ Cloud was being taken care of, he could rest for a moment...but among the busy figures in white lab coats, Zack spotted one he knew.

_Dr. Hojo? Why is he looking at Spiky?_

Hojo's voice, eerie enough on its own, seemed distorted and sinister as it reached his ears. "So this is the one who finished him off? Fascinating, really fascinating. I can use him as a new subject."

_What? No! This can't be happening!_

"Cloud," Zack whispered, reaching a hand out for him, focusing the last bit of energy he had into the movement.

A cruel, cold laugh came from above, and Zack was jostled as the stretcher he was strapped to went forward - to where, he could not see. Merely being awake for these few moments was proving too much in his condition, and as the darkness rose up again on all sides Zack Fair had time only for one single, anguished thought:

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

**The End.**


End file.
